Tessellate
by buildasn0wman
Summary: Elsa is forced to face what she's concealed for so long once her younger sister, Anna, gets accepted into the same University as her. College!AU, Elsanna. Rated M for sex, swearing, and all that other fun stuff.
1. Haunt Me

**A/N:** I'm nervous to post this, because I know it's similar to other fics in a few ways, but I promise you, I absolutely promise you I have huge, exciting plans for this fic that will set it off in its own direction. It _is _inspired by r9kElsa is Suffering, I must give credit where credit is due, and I apologize if it seems too close sometimes, but again, I swear it's going to go its own independent way. Also if you haven't read r9kElsa is Suffering, go do it, simply for the feels. So yeah, this is angst!Elsa, which I aware is a common trope in the fandom, so if you don't like that Elsa, that's fine, but that's what she is in this story.

Fair warning: this fic will deal with some heavier stuff, such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, along with happier stuff like smut and copious amounts of cursing. And of course, icest (this is Powers!Elsa, btw.)

Oh, and I'm not abandoning Raging Storm, I promise. :)

* * *

"Tomorrow," Anna's voice sang from the passenger side, her body so perked up from excitement that her back didn't even touch the fabric seats of Elsa's car. Her braids swung from her head like vines as she swayed, brushing up against her nearly bare, pink-singed shoulders, where freckles crawled up like paint splatters.

"I know."

_Trust me, I know._

"We move-in—"

"_You _move in," Elsa corrected, her gaze glued on the endless pavement that sprawled out in front of the two as she drove across the suburban hellhole the sisters were raised in.

"_I_ move in tomorrow, to my first dorm. I can't believe it, I mean, like, I'm really, truly, going to be living on my own," the younger girl enthused, her cheeks as bright as the low-hanging sun that blinded Elsa's vision.

"Just be quiet and choose a station," Elsa muttered, hands so drenched with sweat they could hardly grip the steering wheel.

"You're such a dick sometimes." Anna tinkered around with the various knobs and presets on the dashboard, a symphony of genres in discord following each other until she decided on a station. _Not this pop shit again._

"Wow, it's the station that plays the same song again and again. What's this, song number twelve? Almost as good as song number eleven!"

"Shut up, it's better than the indie crap you listen to all day," Anna scoffed, turning the volume up until the bass of the song thumped against Elsa's temples.

_I'll ignore that. _"You know, you're really not going to be truly living on your own. Wait until you live in an apartment and have to pay rent and buy your own food." She grabbed the knob and decreased the volume the instant her sister let go. "You get your own fucking meal plan and dining hall. I get ramen and, if I'm lucky, a bottle of coke."

"But Aunt Gerda pays for your rent and your food, because you can't even hold down a job," Anna said, her tone biting.

"Are you forgetting who's the one driving here, _princess?_" Elsa warned, tapping on the brakes lightly. The car behind them beeped, startling Anna, which drew a laugh out of the elder sister.

"Gross, don't call me that."

Anna and Elsa's parents used to affectionately refer to Anna as "princess," long before they passed away four years ago in the car accident on a night that Elsa insisted was too fuzzy for her to recall. Anna still hesitated when getting into cars, her fingers always draped around the seat belt during trips as though it were a cross.

"Just don't get too used to having things handed to you. I'm not going to be running to your dorm room when you can't handle being away from auntie and uncle to hold you during the stormy nights."

"What is wrong with you?" Anna chuckled, holding a hand up to her freckled face that shook with each laugh. As hard as Elsa tried to restrain herself from looking over to Anna, in her peripheral vision she could see her gorgeous eyes light up, as though someone from above was shining a spotlight into Anna's face with the sole intention of making Elsa's life even more torturous.

_What's wrong? What's wrong is I can't stand the thought of you being so close to me again. I went to college to get away from these stupid fucking feelings that tore my heart apart every night. Why did you even have to apply to the same Goddamn college as me? _Elsa's head grew warm with apprehension, losing focus on the road for a brief moment.

"Red light!" Anna shouted, recoiling her small frame back into the passenger seat like a startled rodent.

"Shit!" Elsa slammed her foot on the brakes, the _cheap piece of crap _she called her car barely halting before the white line.

The duo almost smashed into the dashboard, saved by their seat belts, then flung back into their seats when the car responded to her braking. Once again, the car behind hers replied with an abrupt honk, which accomplished nothing but agitating Elsa even further. A small flurry of snow formed around her shaking fingertips, losing control of her powers in a flash of fear.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, I didn't see that light there." Elsa's heart was making a bid for an escape from her chest.

"How? We drive through this light almost every day. We're going to Target, not fucking Alaska."

With great hesitance, Elsa looked over to Anna in hopes she wasn't as mad as she sounded, but her brow was hunched down in a glare and her arms were crossed tight against her chest, pink skin in bold contrast against her green tank top. _Nope, she's pissed. Good job, you know her one fear and almost made it a reality because you can't control your stupid urges._

"I'm sorry. I'm distracted. I'm nervous about going back to school." That was a half-truth.

"Whatever. Just drive." Anna's tone dropped dramatically, stare fixed forward without even being so kind enough to return Elsa's gaze.

Elsa wished she could push the door open and abandon her car and her sister in sheer embarrassment. A feeling settled in her stomach as though a large boulder was dropped there, weighing her body down into a sulk. The image of a resentful Anna in the seat next to her haunted the outline of her eyesight, no matter how hard she tried to concentrate on the asphalt in front of her.

The sisters didn't speak for the rest of the trip.

* * *

"Elsa," a feminine voice called from the hallway.

Elsa's eyes shot open, met with the darkness in her room that wasn't there when she dozed off. _What? What time is it? _She slammed her hand around the bed until her fingers grasped the edges of what she was looking for, her old, junky cell phone she hadn't quite had the funds yet to replace.

9:18. _Crap. I missed dinner. _Elsa rose from her bed, her sheets haphazardly strayed around the mattress, as disorganized and disheveled as the blond hair on her head that was, at one point in the day, braided carefully. The light from her laptop, perched on the desk near her window, illuminated the mess of the stuff she purchased with Anna earlier in the day, a shopping trip whose awkwardness and shame she could gladly forget.

_ Screw it. I'll just pack in the morning. _

"Elsa!"

"What!" Elsa responded, her gravely voice as boisterous as her grogginess would permit.

"Well—uh, first, can I—can I open the door?" Anna's voice was loud enough to tip Elsa off that she was inches away from the other side of her door.

Elsa took a moment to examine herself in what little light her cell phone provided, her white t-shirt stained with red spills from the spaghetti she ate for lunch, her chest, bra-less and admittedly small, shamefully showing through the thin fabric that shrouded her body. _So much for getting my act together this summer._

"No." Elsa plopped back onto her bed with a gurgled groan. She felt so much better when she was asleep, where, for a few hours, she could pretend she existed in a world where Anna didn't exist, a reality where she wasn't consumed by these sick, sick feelings that were getting more difficult to repress with each passing sunset.

"Too bad, I'm coming in." Anna's voice grew clarity as Elsa's door creaked open, an abundance of light spilling in and hitting her unprepared eyes.

"_Fuck, _Anna." Elsa pulled the sheets up to her neck, clutching onto them tightly. _I should probably be more embarrassed of my 101 Dalmatians Sheets than my sauce-stained, see-through shirt. _She sat up, her eyes slowly focusing in on the invading redhead.

"Well, excuse me for wanting to talk to you like the good little sister I am," she teased as she walked into Elsa's room.

_Don't say that. Don't ever say that again, lest you want me to jump you like the bad, older sister I am. _

Anna's eyes locked onto Elsa, who pulled her sheets even closer to her body, sinking her head into her shoulders. "What?"

"I just need to talk you about something." Anna peeked at the floor behind her, then returned her concentration to her blushing sister. "Actually, two. Two things." She held out two fingers, knuckles curling in front of her grinning face.

"Just say it already, for Christ's sake."

"First, what's with the mess? I thought you were supposed to be the clean one, remember?" Anna sat down next to Elsa, who flinched as soon as she felt her bed shake from Anna's weight.

"I'm tired and, I don't know, who cares? I'm moving tomorrow, what's the fucking point?" Elsa scooted her exhausted self away from Anna. The last thing she needed was whatever godforsaken scent Anna was wearing today infiltrating her sense of smell, reminding her simultaneously how oblivious Anna was when it came to how much body spray was enough, and how hopelessly smitten Elsa was that even her unwanted scent put a stop to her pulse.

"Apparently you also swear a lot when you're tired, too," Anna pointed out, prodding Elsa's hunched shoulder with a bony finger.

"Oh, please, forgive me for not being the proper little angel mom and dad thought I was," Elsa grumbled, cringing away from Anna's poke. "What was the other stuff you were going to talk to me about, anyway?"

"Okay, the other thing was – wait, why are you holding your sheets up so close to you like that? Are you—are you naked?"

"No, I just look like shit," Elsa stated bluntly, shrugging, although a deeper blush surfaced on her pale cheeks. _Is she picturing me naked? No, don't be ridiculous. She's not as disgusting and sick as I am._

"I'm your sister, you don't have to worry about looking bad in front of me."

_If only you knew. _"Just tell me what you came in here to say, because I'm hungry and if you don't leave soon, it won't be pretty," Elsa warned, the vibrations in her stomach increasing in magnitude, loud enough to be heard by anyone else in her proximity._  
_

"Don't eat me," Anna laughed, cowering away from Elsa. _Oh, God, Anna. _Elsa hated herself for the indecent place her mind crept into after Anna spoke. "Anyways, so yeah, earlier today—I mean, I was kind of a colossal asshole to you, what with not talking to you, and whatever, even though you took me out to buy shit for school and...uh, yeah..."

"No, you weren't a colossal asshole. More like a mega asshole."

Anna nodded subtly. "Okay, mega asshole. But, you know, it's still really tough for me." Anna paused for an intense moment and continued, sighing. "But maybe I shouldn't have decided to punish you by ignoring you."

"Well, I guess I was kind of a jerkass to you, too. Tapping the brakes was an insensitive thing to do on my part. And I should probably pay more attention to the road next time." Elsa bit her lip, riddled with guilt as she avoided any eye contact with Anna.

"We're both stupid and mean, how's that?" Anna elbowed Elsa's ribs. _Stop touching me. Please. _

"I am, but you're not. You're not an asshole."

"But you said I was."

"I was being an asshole, because that's what _I _am, don't you listen?" Elsa jested with a smirk. _An actual smile. I'm actually smiling. Holy crap. _

"Let's just agree that we're both sorry?" Anna requested, her pitch rising with hope.

"Sure." _Stop smiling. Stop fucking smiling, you look like an idiot. _The best Elsa could do was grip her bottom lip between her front teeth in a struggle to conceal her grin.

"Awesome. Also, I couldn't help but notice—I mean, your hands, I saw ice—again, and I—"

"It happens. You know I can't control it sometimes, how many times do I have to talk to you about this?" Elsa's smile was wiped as easily it formed, raising her voice at Anna. She immediately regretted it once the anger-laced sentence fell out of her mouth. _She's just worried about you, you ass. It's probably hard as all hell for her to even bring it up with you._

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm just concerned, because it's been happening more, or I think so, at least," Anna noted, her eyes craning up towards the ceiling as though she were struggling to think. _God, she's so adorable._

"I know. I'll get it under control. I just really don't want to talk about it." Elsa calmed her voice into an inflection less threatening, sighing down at the carpet as she reigned her hands even closer to her body.

"All right. So, uh, hug?" Anna held her arms out towards Elsa, whose eyes immediately darted to her sister's upper body, presented in its fully clothed glory, like a forbidden treasure encased in green.

_No, no, don't, you have no idea what you're doing to me. _"I'm not letting go of these sheets," she excused, mumbling, straining her eyes away from Anna.

"That's all right." Anna wrapped her supple, warm arms around Elsa's neck, pulling her overwhelmed sister so close to her body she almost couldn't breathe, lungs struggling to expand in her constricted torso. _Coconut. She's wearing coconut scent today. _Elsa inhaled the strawberry blonde's scent forcefully, her nose growing sore as the smell plundered her senses, not even trying to mask the fact that she was purposely inhaling her sisters aura. It nearly distracted her from the uncomfortable fact that Anna's breasts were pressing up against Elsa's hands that clasped onto her bed sheets tightly, too restrained against Anna to move.

As soon as she ceased the embrace, which left Elsa in a shivering mess, Anna hopped up from Elsa's bed, starting towards the hallway where the lights were flooding in from. She stopped and twirled towards Elsa, who was struggling to calm herself, Anna's face as cheerful and lit as always. "Your hair looks pretty cool like that. Keep it like that."

_If you're being serious, then I'll never touch it again._

As soon as Anna carefully shut the door, darkness once again consuming Elsa's room as a sort of terrible reminder of her own life, Elsa groaned and threw herself down onto her bed, the furniture bouncing underneath her as the creaking of her cheap mattress bounded around the room.

_No sane person gets turned on by their own younger sister hugging her like that. Just let it pass. And if you ever touched yourself over something like that, I swear to fucking God you're sicker than you even think._

She reached over to her nightstand to turn her lamp on, the lights flickering until creating a stationary illumination. She stared at the pile of items she needed to pack into her car the next morning, to drive across the state for five hours with her sister seated next to her the entire time, completely oblivious to everything, every _fucking _feeling, every night she spent grasping at her hair in pure madness, every day she wished Anna never applied to the same university as she did.

Every day her heart broke at how stupid she was to fall in love with her own little sister.


	2. World's Worst Sister

"Jesus Christ, Anna, get your ass over here before I leave without you," Elsa called out to the hallway from the kitchen, the spoon in her poised hands clashing down into the bowl resting below her, spraying a few drops of milk onto the table and her cell phone. "Shit." She snatched up her phone, wiping off milk stains that landed on it, when the face lit up and presented the time, 11:41, in bold, taunting numbers. _She knows we're leaving at noon. I swear to God, if we hit traffic because of her, I'll—_

"Give me a second!" Anna responded, her silvery voice muffled behind her bedroom door, which was decorated abundantly with various band posters and wonderful pencil drawings she made, a talent Elsa envied dearly.

_ Well, my morning was going so much better before I heard your voice. _"I'm going to eat your cereal."

Anna's door screeched open, the sister poking her head out from the small opening. "Don't you fucking dare." Her unbraided hair poured down her body in a russet avalanche, stray strands leaping off her head in random directions.

"You're not even ready? We're leaving at noon! I told you this, like, what, a million times?"

"I just gotta get dressed. I mean, look at me," Anna said, sliding through the slice of space between the door and the frame.

Anna adorned an oversized t-shirt, faded red with "Delle University" sprawled on the chest in a yellow, broad typeface. The shirt spilled down to her rose-colored thighs, barely sheathing the pink boy shorts she had wrapped snug around her gaunt legs that streamed down to the hallway carpet. Although the shirt was a few sizes too large, it hugged her upper body perfectly, magnifying the lithe curves of her figure in ways that beckoned Elsa close to insanity. She smiled at Elsa, turquoise eyes lit as though she expected her to be impressed she was still wearing the shirt Elsa bought her three years ago, oblivious to the awestruck expression cemented on the blonde's face.

_ It is way too early for this. _Elsa crossed her legs tight in a weak effort to extinguish the fire starting to thrive down there, still staring bewildered at Anna, who was pulling the front of her shirt down as far as it would go, not achieving anything other than establishing an enticing pose that tantalized Elsa further.

_ That's your sister, you pervert, stop staring. _"Anna, please, go get dressed," she breathed, only a hint of her real voice present. Her gaze bolted down to the table, cheeks flushing redder than Anna's top.

"It's the shirt you got me, though—I mean, I sleep in it, a lot. It's my favorite shirt." Anna's tone was strapped with disappointment.

"Just go!" Elsa repeated, her face growing hotter. Her voice raised to a decibel she hoped she never had to speak to Anna in again. "We don't have time for this."

Anna looked as though she just had her heart ripped out. "Fine,"she spat, shutting her door behind her a near-slam. The sudden noise shook Elsa and startled her racing heart, her body shuddering from her shoulder blades down.

Elsa buried her blushing face in her arms. _Good going. Making her think you hate her is definitely better than her knowing you love her, you dumbass. _Anna's heartbroken voice echoed through her cluttered head in an agonizing loop, lassoing the lump in her stomach up to her chest.

Despite the hotness of her cheeks, her fingers grew cold, white swirls starting to spiral around her fingertips as miniature snowflakes materialized. Ice crept from her fingers to the table, a thin sheet blanketing a small area of the wood, with sounds of the ice crackling and snapping as it fractured polluting the air. Panicked, Elsa snapped her hands away the tabletop, shoving her hands between her thighs as she clenched them together in hopes her own body heat would somehow subdue her uncontrollable powers.

_I'm a fucking freak._

* * *

The first few hours of the car trip to the college was accompanied by a painful silence, as though the sister were old rivals who were refusing to acknowledge the others existence in a childlike act of spite. Elsa would open her mouth in futile attempts to vocalize _anything _to Anna, but nothing ever came out more than a defeated breath that lingered in the back of her throat. Their interactions with each other throughout the summer had been scarce, yet fertile with tension, and very little was going to change that.

_Why are you even mad at her? You're the one who's been treating her like shit._

Each passing highway sign ridiculed Elsa, appearing to grow fewer and further between, the distance to their destination somehow gaining. The landmarks she used to be excited to spot on her usual drives to Delle University now frustrated her, serving as jeering reminders of how behind schedule they were. _We should have passed that stupid inflatable pig forty minutes ago. _Elsa could hardly stand another minute in the car with her morose sister, the tension suffocating her like delicate fingers wrapped around her pasty neck.

Anna took out her phone, fiddling around with its interface for a few moments before exhaling noticeably and shoving it back into the pockets of her jeans, resuming her stance of her arms crossed over her baggy, gray sweatshirt and her back sinking into the seat.

_Just turn on the radio or something. Ask her if she's hungry. Anything._

Yet Elsa did nothing, continuing to pretend she was too occupied with driving to recognize Anna in the passenger side, whose eyes were fallen down to her own knees, occasionally looking over at Elsa for brief junctures. Elsa used every last bit of restraint she harbored to prevent herself from pulling the car over and confessing to Anna in hysterics everything she had caged inside for the past two years, if only to help Anna understand why she acted the way she did, with such recklessness towards Anna's own emotional needs.

But she never could, not with the stinging tears that fashioned behind her eyes when the mere thought of a confession crept into her consciousness.

The objects in the trunk and backseat rattled which each bump of the highway, a majority of the luggage belonging to Anna, who insisted on buying every last thing she could think of to prepare for college. Elsa glanced over in random intervals at her pouting sister, whose hair remained in a cascade down to her chest, rising up whenever she released a heavy sigh.

"So, you're not doing your hair today?" Elsa asked, in a desperate pursuit of conversation.

"No." Anna took a deep breath before continuing her answer. "You were rushing me out of the door. I didn't have a chance to."

_I wasn't—you were running late, and I- _"I think it looks really good."

"Okay."

_Okay? That's it? _

Elsa accepted her failure and didn't press Anna any further, the pain in her chest spreading. _Just one more hour, you can deal with this. Maybe you won't ever have to see her again and you can get over your stupid infatuation._

"Why do you hate me?" Anna asked after a few minutes of stillness, her voice puncturing Elsa's inner thoughts.

"What?" Elsa struggled to confirm that Anna actually said that, her mind hazed with her own preoccupied, pessimistic ideas.

"When I got accepted here—I mean, at Delle, I thought you'd be happy. Since I got in all you've done is shut me out and pretend I don't even exist. Whenever I try to show you something that makes me happy, you make me feel like shit over it." Anna's voice cracked progressively as she spoke, her eyes and sun-kissed cheeks turning even more crimson.

_Elsa, you really, truly, are an idiot. _"I—I don't—we—" Elsa's own thoughts were incomprehensible, much less the mess of sounds that were tumbling off her thrashing tongue.

"Literally, like the moment I got in, you stopped treating me like a sister and more like a nuisance. If you don't wanna see me in college, then whatever. I'll just leave you the fuck alone. Just tell me so I don't have to spend my first semester guessing if you hate me or not."

_Ouch. Fucking ouch. _ Elsa had never heard Anna speak with such toxicity in her tone. The pain Anna's hurt words inflicted on Elsa made her visibly wince, fingers close to slipping off the steering wheel as she withdrew herself. Her hands became cold, tiny ice crystals creating rivers of cold fractals along the veins of leather on her wheel. "I don't hate you. I swear, I swear to God I don't hate you."

"Then why do you act like it?" Anna's voice trembled more with each syllable. _She's crying. You made her cry, you douchebag. I hate you so much._

"Because I'm an idiot, is that what you want to hear?" As Elsa's anxiety augmented, so did the frost that accumulated around her fingers. _Shit, shit, shit. _She darted her eyes frantically over to Anna in hopes she didn't pick up what was happening, and was met with the sight of her sister glowering down at the car floor.

"No, I want to hear that you're not going to completely shut me out at college and actually fucking do stuff with me like we're actually friends. Not even best friends if you don't want, I just, I don't want to be a stranger to you, because I'm new to this whole stupid college thing and scared as hell, and I need you, and—" Anna's voice broke completely, her hand snapping up to her face to shield it as she broke down into a bawl. "And—"

Her face was beautiful even when it was contorted into a sob, Elsa noted._ Focus, for God's sake._

"I will, trust me, I'll be there for you."A familiar stinging surfaced in Elsa's sinuses, eyes growing sore. _Are you really going to start crying now? _"I'm so sorry."

"Okay," Anna squeaked. "I just hate it when you yell at me."

"I love you. I really, really do." _You don't even know. _"I'm sorry for being such a shitty older sister."

Anna placed her hand back on her lap, her cheeks still puffed and painted with the trails of her tears. She responded to Elsa's affection with a meager nod, her stare glued on the windshield in front of her as she recollected her composure, the silence punctuated with increasingly distant sniffs. The ice on the steering wheel slowly dissipated as Elsa calmed herself with full breaths. _How the hell am I supposed to survive this year if I can't even control that?_

And Elsa sat there, lurched over her dashboard in embarrassment, knowing that if she were ever remembered for one thing, it would be for being the world's worst sister.

* * *

**A/N**: Unusually short chapter, but doing so to break up the story better, sorry!


	3. Old Beginnings

"Hey, loser."

Elsa picked her head off her desk, turning her head to the direction of the voice while her sensitive eyes strove to make a clear image of the greeter. "Oh. Hey, Nani." Elsa's hand gripped a can of soda, which by now had grown warm and flat. The pencil her arms rested on when she slept had left a red imprint on her arm, which she shook in a struggle to regain feeling in the limb.

"You just moved back in and you're already taking a nap, huh?" Nani asked, crossing her gorgeously chestnut arms across her body as she took a causal lean against Elsa's door frame, her smile telling of the judgment she was making behind her eyes.

"Let's just say I've been sleeping a lot this summer." Elsa cradled her forehead in her fingers, shutting her eyelids tight.

Elsa took a moment to examine her dimly-lit room, which was somehow even smaller and more pathetic than the room she hibernated in at the place she used to call home. Her apartment, although sufficing in the areas of shelter and necessities, was nothing she claimed to be proud of. She was lucky enough to call Nani a close companion and a roommate, providing company she so sorely missed during the brutal summer, when the only company she could enjoy was that of the sister she avoided. The lack of furniture, however, and the grungy walls that seemed to cave in more each day resembled that of a prison cell she unwillingly spent most of her time confined in, like a caged rat toiling through hell each day in hopes of a morsel of cheese before bed. Not even her pathetic attempts to liven up the room with band posters and art prints masked the depression sealed within these walls.

_I did not miss this fucking place._

"Finally get a job?"

"No. It's...it's family stuff. Don't worry about it." Each time Elsa woke up from any sort of slumber, she suffered through brief phases of frustration and melancholy after her brain temporarily neglected to remind her of the existence she thrived in, where the only thought that remained a constant was her unhealthy attraction towards her sister. _God, why'd I have to wake up?_

"Oh. I know all about family stuff. _Trust _me," Nani said, gyrating her eyes around.

_Trust me, you don't. _"It's different. It's—forget it. How long was I even asleep for?" Elsa peered out her window, where the final rays of sunlight before dusk leaked through the glass and lay stripes of orange across the hardwood floor.

"Well, I got back from grocery shopping around fifteen minutes ago, and I saw you in here with your face buried in a pile of your own drool. So..."

"For fuck's sake." Elsa pulled her phone from her charger next to her with the intention of checking the time. A jolt radiated from her chest as soon as she read Anna's name on her screen, glorified in dozens of large, low-quality pixels. _Holy crap, I got a text from Anna twenty minutes ago._

_ "i finally moved in, come and see it, if you want..." _

A few hours ago, right when the two had arrived at the university after the tense car ride, Elsa assisted Anna in bringing her overwhelming amount of luggage up to her fifth floor dorm room, which, as Anna announced through a pout, was "way smaller" than she expected it to be.

_She texted me twenty minutes ago, and I was sleeping. She probably thinks I hate her. Goddammit. God fucking-_

"I gotta go," Elsa breathed. She gripped the edges of her desk and hoisted herself up in a rush, losing her orientation briefly as she stumbled away from her chair.

"Woah, slow down," Nani warned, quickly moving out the way of the panicked woman.

"I'm sorry, I just—I'll be back later."

* * *

_Fuck, I don't even remember her room number. 521...4? 5217?_

The doors in the stretching hallway were sparsely decorated with felt flowers that had the residents' name cut and pasted on them in bright colors, like a kindergartener's arts and crafts project.

_ Well, good to know the RAs are at least keeping busy. _

The hallway presented a disjunction of aromas—cleaning supplies, obnoxious body spray (both male and female), and years of regretful nights that settled into the carpet—Elsa wasn't sure which scent she hated more. She scanned every door she strolled by, reading the names on the flowers as the fluorescent lighting that hung above her in various brightnesses and tints buzzed as though it were filled with insects.

_Daisy, Melody, Weudy—I think someone messed with that last one._

Elsa's attention was grabbed when she heard someone banging on one of the doors from the other end of the hallway. A freshman, his frame wrapped with muscles and coarse hair, slammed his palms on the green surface of the steel door.

"I'm here! Let me the fuck in!" he shouted in a raucous voice that echoed throughout the hall. His towering physique nearly made the doors that loomed over Elsa seem short.

_Jesus, are these the people she's going to have to live with?_

As if by response, the door across from Elsa shrieked open, a paltry hand gripping the doorknob on the other side of the reinforced steel.

"Oh, Elsa, you're here," Anna squeaked, slipping out of her room. Her skin was damp from sweat and flushed red with exhaustion, yet she was radiant, her scarlet-singed flesh bringing out the turquoise of her eyes._ How the hell can you look so good when you're so sweaty? I look like I just crawled out of a ditch._

"Yeah, I—I'm sorry, my phone died and I didn't see your text until recently." Elsa's voice was still hoarse from her earlier nap. _She doesn't have to know that you can't stop sleeping to escape your pitiful reality._

"Okay, I was wondering why, I mean...well, anyways, I was just going to go to the bathroom, you can come in if you want while I go. My roommate's in there, by the way. She's pretty cool. I mean, we talked on Facebook before we got here for a bit, so I already kind of knew her, but it's so cool to finally meet her in person, she's got a lot of neat stuff, and—" Anna's ramble ceased with a quick inhale through svelte lips, her wandering eyes snapping over to Elsa. "Oh, God, I need to shut up, I'm probably just annoying you, I'm sorry. I really have to pee, anyways."

_No. I could listen to you talk all fucking day. _"Okay." A swell of elation pulsed through Elsa as Anna spoke, apparently disregarding the angst she distributed on Elsa earlier during the car ride. _And you thought she hated you._

Anna started towards the main hallway, throwing her hand up in a wave. "Kay, well, I'll see you in a m—"

"You have to open the door for me, you idiot," Elsa reminded. _That's right, insulting her is definitely going to make this whole situation better. You'd never get away with this shit if you weren't siblings. No wonder she thinks you hate her._

"Whoops." Anna pivoted around, rushing back to her door. She fumbled around with the key and keyhole as though it were a puzzle she hadn't solved yet, jamming the metal into the opening recklessly until she accomplished a snug fit. _Look at the way her tongue peeks out of her mouth when she concentrates, like a dog or something._

"...Thanks." Elsa attempted to recover from her rudeness to Anna with an uneasy smile, grappling the doorknob and pulling it open, wrestling with its unexpected heaviness.

"I thought you went to the ba—oh."

Anna's lanky roommate stared at Elsa with a curious eye, her other eye shielded by her long hair that spilled in front of her face, sitting cross-legged in her flimsy chair that rest in front of her desk, which was sparsely settled with school supplies and her laptop, a box of unpacked fashion magazines stagnant desk-side. On the contrary, Anna's desk was already cluttered with art supplies and decorations, tucked in the corner of her side of the room that boasted the same posters and drawings she hung on her walls back home, some crooked and already falling off. The amount of posters and sketches condensed into such a small area was overwhelming for Elsa. _Too much Anna for such a tiny space._

"Uh, I'm Violet," the long-haired girl said, her gurgling voice barely audible over the whirring air conditioning.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry, I'm Elsa." Elsa halted her examination of her sister's room to respond to the roommate, awkwardly waving at her.

"Yeah, I know. She told me you were coming. Or might be, whatever."

"My phone died. That's why I'm late."

"...Okay." Violet turned her attention back to her laptop, leaving Elsa to sway there in uncomfortable silence. _Anna's going to talk her fucking ear off. There's no way this girl is going to survive living with her. _

After a moment, Elsa ambled over to Anna's bed, her black and pink sheets appearing as though they were tossed onto the mattress as an afterthought, hardly clinging onto the corners. She slowly sat herself onto the bed, which didn't sink more than an inch under her body weight. _I almost forgot how much these beds sucked. I don't think my spine ever forgave me for sleeping on these stupid slabs of stone._

"She talks about you a lot."

"What?" _Wait, what?_

Violet didn't avert her gaze from her flickering screen, yet continued to speak. "Yeah, well, at least on Facebook. All she ever really talked about was how excited she was to go to college with you. Like she never really shut up about it. It was kinda cute. Also kinda annoying, honestly."

Elsa held a packed fist up to her mouth to obscure her developing smile. "Really?"

"Yup. You're lucky your sister likes you. My brothers are little brats."

Elsa didn't even register what Violet said, her thoughts still adhered to the fact that _Anna talked about her. "A lot."_

_ ...And all I did was tell her to fuck off and avoid her._

Elsa's happiness expired instantly, washed out by immense guilt instead that brought her head into mope as though someone were pulling down strings attached to her forehead. Her braid fell into her face, staggering back and forth like a pendulum.

"Is there anything I should know about her? Like, as someone who's lived with her—"

"What? Oh, yeah." Elsa's head perked up, brushing her hair out of her face to nestle behind her ears. "She uh...she talks in her sleep. And she breathes with her mouth open while she sleeps, too, so she sometimes snores. It's not really a snore, it's like a series of quick snorts." _And it's freaking adorable. _Elsa got lost in her own chatter, the focus of her eyes pulled up to the corner of the room as her brain rattled off a list of all of Anna's quirks, translated disjointedly into words. "She doesn't kill bugs – like ever. She lets them outside. Always. She has this weird thing about not drinking the last few sips of her drinks. She has to have her volume at an even number, or a number that ends in five. She hates it when people wh—"

Elsa's gossip was interrupted by the clanging of metal on the opposite side of the door, followed by Anna fighting to open up the intimidatingly bulky door, pulling it open with both hands anchored on the doorknob.

"Oh my God, these things are so damn heavy," Anna breathed, finally entering her room and shutting the door behind her with a definitive _thunk. _

_ You're so cute, it's almost sickening. _"That took a while. Did you fall in?" Elsa teased.

"No, I met a guy."

And again, as if she were on an emotional roller coaster she was unable to release herself from, Elsa's joy sank. "A...a boy?" Her head flashed cold. Her chest grew tight. _No. It's only been one day. You can't—you can't fucking start—_

"Yeah, he was apologizing because he was being loud and thought he was the only one out in the hallway. He was nice, I think. His name was...Steven? No, Sven. Where did I even get Steven from?"

_That guy? The lunatic banging on the door? _"Is he hot?" Elsa asked, her fingernails starting to dig into her skin as her fists clenched tighter. _Calm down. Calm the fuck down._

"Naw, I don't know. I'm not really looking for that stuff right now."

Elsa wasn't sure how to feel. _Don't be ridiculous. You'd never have a chance with her, anyway, you sick fuck. _"Oh." No other words came to her, fighting hard to find something more insightful to say.

"Also, also, also, I found out what you can do to make it up to me," Anna enthused, her mouth curling into a tenacious grin, where pearls of white teeth peeked through the opening. _How do you not even realize how cute you are?_

"Make _what _up to you?" _You know the answer, why did you even ask?_

Anna glanced over at Violet, who was watching the two converse intently with an amused smirk. "I'm sorry, am—am I not supposed to be listening?"

"No, it's fine," Anna said, shaking her head, silk strands of hair flying left and right with her movements. "But—you know what I mean. I know what you can do."

"What? What is it?" Elsa grew more aware of the pulse in her temples as her anticipation flourished. _Don't get excited. She's not going to ask for a hug or anything even close to your disgusting fantasies._

"Give me a tour. A tour of the entire campus."

Elsa breathed with both relief and disappointment as her shoulders slunk down. "Oh. Wait, why? Didn't you get one at orientation or when you visited here like, what, six months ago?" _I don't know shit outside the science building, or the math building. I barely remember where the dining hall is._

"Yeah, but I want _you _to give me one," she insisted, clasping her hands together in front of her waist.

_Don't even try to fight it, it'll make her hate you less. _"All right, fine."

"Awesome! If we do it now, we can probably get to the dining hall be—"

"_Now? _Aren't you exhausted?"

"Eh," she shrugged. "Not really."

_Of course not, she has the energy of a puppy. _Elsa sighed again, nodding her head faintly in drained acceptance. "Fine."

Anna beamed and breathed in emphatically through her teeth, which was clamped down on her lower lip in an excited smile. "Yes! I'd knew you'd do it. I mean, be cool with it. Hey, Violet, do you want in on this?"

Violet laughed and shook her head, holding her palms out in front of her coiled body. "No, no way. You two have fun."

"Oh, we will," Anna said, her eyes bright with thrill.

_Fuck._

* * *

**A/N**: okay I know the Disney characters from other movies being present in AU fics is such a trope, but I don't care, it's a trope I love. B)

Also sorry for the sort of uneventful chapter but? I promise you exciting things are to come, much excitement indeed.


	4. Sink Down

"This is Harrison Hall," Elsa introduced. She extended her hand towards the dorm building that loomed above them, bordering a section of the campus in a semi-circle.

"I know. That's where I live."

"Well, obviously you don't need me to give you a tour if you're such an expert," Elsa mocked, leaning up against the unsaturated, dirty bricks that made up the building.

Anna glared at Elsa, not playing along with her tease. "If I were an expert, I'd know what _that_ building over there was," she pointed out, nodding her head towards a classical looking building. The large building looked as though it were constructed in the 18th century, displaying the wear and tear of several seasons and abundant use, as dozens of students poured in and out of its doors.

"That's the senior dorm. Well, the junior-senior dorm, but mostly seniors. I can't remember its name, though," Elsa said, studying its architecture for any indication of a sign.

"Oh, well show me places to relevant to me. Like the art building. I wanna see the art building—is there an art building? Please tell me there's an art building." Anna asked, her enthusiasm peaking.

_ I love it when she gets excited over the stupidest crap._

"Of course, but it's tiny, and dirty, and smells like shit."

"Doesn't sound much different than back home."

"Great, it'll be just like working in your 'studio.'" Elsa used air quotes to emphasize her insult, smirking at her little sister, who sneered in response.

"I make the most of what I have. Better than what you do in your room all day."

"What do you _think _I do in my room all day?" Elsa asked in a snarl._ Please tell me you don't actually know._

"Probably touch yourself and listen to sad music all day," Anna muttered, staring at Elsa with a jeering look.

"Fuck you." _That's only half of it._

Anna laughed and gently slapped Elsa's forearm, which was crossed against her chest, sheathed in a long-sleeved cobalt shirt that was almost one size too small. Elsa's bank account was too meager for her to afford purchasing a lot of clothes that fit her well, finding herself straining to fit into the shirts she wore in high school, which was getting harder as she indulged in more stress eating than normal.

"Good to know you're really making the most of things, too," Anna pestered, still giggling. She didn't notice Elsa started blushing the second she made contact with her arm.

_You get flustered when she so much as touches your arm. You're so pathetic._

"Let's go and get this over with. I'm getting hungry." Elsa sunk her head into her shoulders, the sensation of Anna's playful slap still lingering.

"Hey, I'm not the one keeping us here. You don't have to show me everything, just—keep me company, all right? Please?" Anna talked in a near condescending voice, as though she took a clear register of Elsa's hesitancy.

_Anything. I'd do anything for you. _"Fine, if you insist." Elsa picked her back up from the building, the sharp corners of the bricks scraping up against the tight fabric that stretched over her back.

"And don't skip anything. I'd know, trust me," Anna insisted, following her older sister as she sauntered down the pathway, which was now lit with the streetlamps that dotted its perimeter.

"I said, fine."

_You're smiling again. Stop it._

* * *

Anna displayed general interest in every building Elsa described to her, even though the only facility she really knew anything about was the science building, where a majority of her classes were held. In fact, she saw old buildings she herself hadn't entered since her freshman year, ushering in old memories of foundation classes and the struggles of lowered GPAs, where late nights were often accompanied with binge drinking and frustrating studies that never evolved further than cram-readings of a few chapters.

Anna's eyes brightened in a way Elsa had never witnessed when she finally set foot in the art building, examining with monumental interest the various paintings and projects alumni of the university had completed and displayed in its halls. She told Elsa that one day, her work would grace the halls of the building, and her name would be immortalized forever in her own rusted plaque, where its letters would have been scratched out by years of abuse from students, but her art would stand untouched among the other masterpieces.

Elsa just nodded. _I don't even understand half of these pieces. Is that a dog? Or a chicken?_

And yet when she looked with pronounced joy at the passion Anna had for her hobby, she almost forgot about the depression that latched at her brain like parasite every night.

_Anna's actually happy here. Maybe I should learn to be, too._

* * *

"...And that smell? The smell that smells like the decaying of thousands of students souls—and pizza? That's the dining hall," Elsa said, holding her palm out towards the cafeteria in a dramatic gesture. The dining hall, which she hadn't dined at since her sophomore year, was bustling with activity from students, who were shoving each other to either side to enter the building and feast on whatever barely edible variety of foods it offered.

"It smells good," Anna noted, sniffing the night air. _Oh, you're going to be so disappointed._ "Are you up for some dinner?"

Elsa nodded after a short moment of contemplation."I guess I c—"

"Elsa!" A male voice rung from the distance.

"Elsa!" the voice grew closer, prompting Elsa to twirl around to identify the source.

"Hey," the boy greeted, dashing up to her from the direction of the upperclassmen apartments. Despite his athletic physique, he panted after the short jog, holding onto his thighs as he regained his breathing.

"'Ey, Kristoff," Elsa smirked, laughing at his exhaustion. "Got a little lazy with the working out this summer, did we?"

"Yeah, I, uh, I kind of took the summer off," the blond boy breathed, finally standing up straight after a moment of rest. He waved at Anna, mouthing the word "hi" to her.

"Hi," Anna said. Although the lights cast by the streetlamps were dim, Elsa could see Anna's face turn red, her lips biting down a smile that still buckled up her cheeks.

_No. I fucking know that look. No._

The feeling came back—the one that clenched her abdomen when Anna said she met Sven just an hour ago. _Not Kristoff. Not this fucking asshole. _

"I'm Kristoff," Kristoff introduced, holding his humongous hand out for Anna to shake.

"I'm Elsa. I mean I'm Anna! I'm Elsa's sister, not Elsa." Anna shook his hand gingerly, her eyes focused on the boy's brazen figure that peeked through his shirt.

"I figured," he chuckled, Anna joining in with an embarrassed cackle. "I've heard about you. So you two are going to the same college now, or...?"

"Yeah, I sort of just tagged along with Elsa, so I'm here now," Anna said, fidgeting with her own fingers.

"We were gonna go eat, so uh," Elsa interrupted, growing plainly uncomfortable. _Just shut up. Both of you._

"Oh, that's fine. I was just going to ask if you were going to Hans' little party on Friday night."

"What? How would I even know about that? I barely talk to Hans," Elsa heaved. _That dude's a fucking weirdo._

"Well, he told me to invite anyone I want, so I'm telling you now—he's having a party, at his apartment, on Friday night." Kristoff shifted his attention from Elsa to Anna, as though he were personally inviting her along. "A welcome party, or something of the sort. You know he always tries to find things to throw a party over."

"Can I come? I mean, I hate to invite myself over—but I've never been to a college party," Anna beamed, looking at her sister, like she needed Elsa's approval first.

"I don't see why not," he said, averting his gaze over to Elsa, who brooded in her lonesome.

"Then I guess I'm going," Elsa shrugged, looking down at the pathway she stood on.

"Sweet, well I was going to head back to my apartment, but I saw you and figured I'd say hi."

"Okay." _You don't have to be an asshole to him, too. _"Uh, it was good to see you." She couldn't hide the insincerity of her voice, her mind now secured onto pure negativity.

"It was good to see you—and meet you," he smiled, waving once again at the younger sister before he disappeared off into the increasing darkness in an ambling trot, his large figure huddling up in the brisk air.

_Don't say anything about him. Just forget you saw him, she'll forget about him, too. Don't ever bring him up again— _

"You never really told me about your friends here," Anna said, looking up at Elsa.

"Oh. That's Kristoff. That's one of them. I have more. Somewhere." Elsa's thoughts were too clustered for her to speak any sentences that expanded beyond a few syllables.

"Now he—he's kinda cute," Anna snickered.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Anna's voice had never screeched so sourly in her ears.

"I thought you said you weren't looking for that kind of thing," Elsa reminded, becoming irate as her stomach knotted up even tighter, her anxiety rushing back through her throat and down to her chest.

"I'm not, but—I mean, I don't know. I might make an exception for that rule eventually, if the right guy comes along. And he is my type...I mean, from what I've seen..." Anna's eyes widened in adoration for the man.

_I hate you. I fucking love you, but I hate you, so, so much. _Elsa felt a pain in her chest, right where her heart was, that emanated throughout her entire being.

Anna started towards the dining hall, sheltering her hands in her sweatshirt pockets as the air had grown colder in the night. "Aren't you coming?" she asked, once she realized Elsa still remained firmly unmoved in her spot.

"No. I'm not hungry. I'm going back to my apartment." Elsa's voice was barely more than forced exhales that vaguely resembled words. She didn't even notice the ice that was starting to crust along her fingers.

"What the _hell, _Elsa? You told me you'd have dinner with me," Anna said with indigence, holding her hands out while they were still in her pockets.

"I didn't, I said I'd might. And I don't really want to, so I'm going back." Elsa turned around quickly before she could see Anna's reaction, rushing back towards the parking lot where her car was.

Anna said something, but Elsa couldn't hear it through the drumming of her heart in her head. She made out the words "fuck" and "you", unsure of if they were in succession or not. But when she reached her car, the seats and dashboard cold from sitting in the chilly atmosphere all night, she lunged over her steering wheel and broke into a sob, not caring about the ice crystals that bit her fingertips.

And she cried. And she cried, and she cried, until the clock on her phone told her that an hour had passed by. And when she recollected herself enough that she could drive, she made the short drive home, the same drive that normally soothed her, this time brimming with pain and regret, until she got back to the apartment, rushing into her bedroom fast enough so that Nani didn't see the mascara that streaked down her dampened cheeks.

_In every sense of the word, you're pathetic, a waste of space. Even if she did love you like you do, you don't deserve her for what you do to her._

* * *

Elsa curled on her bed, staring hopelessly at her phone. She desperately hoped it would light up with the promise of a text from Anna, so she didn't have to be the one to come crawling back and apologize for her insensitive behavior, now that she had enough time to regret her actions.

_You promised her you'd spend time with her, not be a dick to her. You overreacted. As fucking always._

The only text she got during her mope was from Nani, who told her she was going to bed, and to make sure she kept quiet for the rest of the night.

_How are you even going to get yourself out of this? Do you even want to?_

After several moments absent from any communication from Anna, Elsa snatched up her phone and started to compose a message in a beat of hasty fret.

_ "I'm so sorry. It's just that I like Kristoff so hearing that you think hes cute kinda made me jealous...I'm so sorry...I overreacted...please don't be mad at me"_

_What a miserable excuse. Are you really going to lie to her?_

Her thumb nervously hovered over the "send" button, pressing down on it lightly.

_Don't press it. Just let it go, you want her out of your life anyway. _

Her thoughts battling inside her swimming head, Elsa pushed down on the button, the phone acknowledging her action with a "message sent!" icon appearing on its dim screen.

_You pitiful piece of shit._

She curled up on her bed, her heart racing with anticipation for a response from Anna. Her vision adjusted to the blackness around her, now able to see the bleakness of the room she lay in. The sounds around her – the ambient noises from outside, the settling of the apartment, the distant snoring from Nani's room – all amplified in her ear as her senses grew keener, and yet her thoughts grew clouded.

Minutes later, spent wallowing in her own distress, her phone buzzed, vibrating her entire bed. She immediately grabbed up the phone and fumbled the device open to read Anna's response.

"_i kind of figured. its ok i guess but you owe me dinner, k? otherwise i will get mad :)"_

Elsa sighed with relief, dropping the phone on her mattress. The instant she remembered that Anna was now attracted to Kristoff, however, all of the pain she managed to shoo away came surging back to her, constricting her insides. She buried her hands under her sheets to muffle the frost forming around her hands as the soreness returned.

_ You can't ever let yourself be happy, can you?_

She over analyzed the text Anna sent, her mind delving deeper into a depression._ She didn't say she'd lay off Kristoff. She didn't say sorry. That smiley is so passive-aggressive. _She tossed her phone on her nightstand, frost-tipped from the contact of her fingers, too disturbed to respond to Anna. Her mind was infected with threatening images of Kristoff and Anna together at the party they were going to attend—kissing, groping, touching, with Elsa standing alone in the corner, clutching a flat beer close to her body, left to flounder in her own poignant reality she forced herself into two years ago.

She lay on her bed, defeated, and for the first time in months, couldn't sleep.

* * *

**A/N**: Because Elsa is just one big pile of angst


	5. Dissolve Me

"Does it really have to take you _this _long to have to get ready for a fucking party?" Elsa sighed, swaying on Anna's bed as she waited for her sister to complete her preparations in front of her vanity, the redhead bent over the furniture while she finished up a few touches of her cosmetics._ It doesn't even take me this long. _"I mean, I don't think anyone's going to notice if you don't wear red lipstick number twenty or whatever the hell you wear."

"Jesus, Elsa," Anna groaned, her eyes focused on the mirror. "You can just go ahead without me, if you're really going to be this impatient."

"But I'm your ride."

"And because you're my sister and you love me, you're going to wait for me," Anna sang out.

_Well, you're not entirely wrong._

Elsa sighed and held off on responding to her sister, kicking her legs idly and skimming Anna's dorm room with her bored eyes. Despite only dwelling in the dorm for less than a week, Anna's character had already started to shine through in the way her clothes were strung around in random spots, uncleaned dishware and a few empty bottles calling her charcoal-crusted desk their home. On the contrary, Violet's side, which was minimalistic at best, boasted itself as being almost entirely spotless. The low illumination of her lava lamp lit the small piles of clothes that assembled randomly around Anna's half of the floor. "I can see you've made yourself at home here, Anna."

Violet laughed from her chair, holding a sweater-covered hand up to her mouth to mask her chuckles. "There is a little bit of a divide."

"At least it has personality," Anna mumbled, still fixated on her makeup.

"I'm sorry about her. Sometimes you gotta remind her to clean up or she'll forget," Elsa teased in a tone loud enough to waft over to Anna. "Like a little kid who forgets to pick up their toys."

"Dude," Anna started, "...just, shut up."

Elsa laughed in response, momentarily forgetting about the party she was so anxious to attend. For a few blissful seconds, the angst that had consumed her life had subsided as she shared a short giggle fit with Violet. During the duration of the laugh, however, her eyes were snagged onto a small detail of Anna's room that she hadn't picked up on prior, arresting her snickering and instead carrying in a gasp of surprise. Faded red fabric crested from one of the clothing piles on the floor, the familiar type face and letters peeking through in the folds of the shirt.

_No freakin' way._

Elsa squinted her eyes, confirming that the shirt was actually there and that she hadn't started violently hallucinating from her messed up sleep schedule. As she did so, Anna had finally finished getting ready, now turned away from the mirror and staring at Elsa, whose gaze was still trained on the shirt.

"Is that the shirt?" Elsa wondered aloud, not realizing she was voicing her question loud enough for Anna to hear.

"What?"

"...That, right there." Elsa extended a pointed finger towards the garment, her stare still unmoved from its red creases. She felt the coldness of ice take over the her finger, quickly recoiling her hand to her sides.

"Yeah? It's my favorite shirt, I told you that." Elsa could see Anna shrug in the corner of her vision. "I mean, since...since you bought it for me." Anna's eyes shot down as though she were embarrassed at the sentiment she just expressed.

_She brought it. Despite the shit you gave her, she fucking brought it. _A confusing infusion of emotions tumbled over Elsa, who gaped at the piece of clothing. "You brought it with you?"

"Well, yeah," Anna said, her tone somber. "I can't really sleep without it."

_Holy shit. _Elsa bent her head down towards the linoleum floor to disguise her face, which was flushed with guilt and some other emotions she couldn't quite identify. "I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I said, I'm sorry," Elsa spoke up, still concealing her face. "For what happened that day, I'm sorry. I'm really glad you like it. Really, it means a lot. I—I'm just really sorry." _Stop saying you're sorry._

"Oh, it's, uh, it's nothing. It was almost a week ago, don't worry about it."

Silence fogged the room, leaving an uncomfortableness that all of the girls who occupied it felt, their strong breaths unable to puncture the heavy emotions that accompanied the awkward stillness in the air. The lull had given time for Elsa to chafe in her own remorse, forcing her deeper into a gloom.

_She loves you. She fucking loves you, even if you do treat her like crap. You're a terrible human being and don't deserve a sister like her._

"Aw, did you two just share a moment?" Violet asked, finally breaking the quiet, her voice in a near-tease.

_The hell am I supposed to say to that? _Elsa bit her lip and looked up at Anna, swimming with shame.

Anna wore an abundance of green—of course, as she always had since she was a child, as her parents insisted it was her best color that brought out the coral hue of her freckled skin, a pleasing contrast Elsa couldn't argue against. Her short-sleeved shirt immodestly wrapped around her frame, cutting low enough in the front that Elsa had to seize her stare to a corner of the room to halt the impure thoughts starting to violate her.

"Are you ready?" she muttered, straining to look away from her sister.

"As I'll ever be."

"You two have fun," Violet said, her smile beaming through in her voice.

_I can try._

* * *

_ I hate this stupid douchebag bro music._

_ This beer sucks._

Elsa downed the remaining drops of alcohol that started to decay in the bottom of her cup anyway.

_ This apartment smells like cat piss._

_ There's nothing but business and psychology majors here._

Pessimistic thoughts, brought on by her own natural negativity and bad experiences with prior parties had gripped Elsa tight enough to prevent any enjoyment from seeping through to her. On the contrary, Anna's head had been held up with high expectations and enthusiasm the moment the sisters walked through the door, from the chilly bitterness of the outside to the hot pandemonium of the party.

"I never really thought college parties were actually like this, it's like a cliché," Anna said, standing close to her sister in the hallway, who was leaning up against the wall with an empty solo cup held right in front of her mouth. To the side of them was an unidentified student in his lonesome, a large man who was sat up against the wall with a spilled bottle of beer resting next to him, barely conscious as his eyes fought to stay open.

"Yeah, I fucking hate it," she muttered through the plastic.

Anna exhaled through her nose, over the beat of the music. "I know you do, Elsa," she stated after a pause.

_What's that supposed to mean?_

"I just, I really don't like parties. Or any sort of social gathering. Last time I was at a party, I wound up having to fight off this plastered asshole while he tried to grope my boobs." _And if he's here, I swear to God I will kick him right in his tiny dick._

"I know, I know, but if you could just please try to pretend like you're actually enjoying yourself, that'd be great, all right?" Anna requested, turning towards Elsa. "I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but God, Elsa, do it for me? Just find _something _you like?"

_Ow. _As if she wasn't already burdened with guilt, Elsa imagined herself running through the increasing mass of college students, out of the apartment and back into the quiet life she lived, where, although her thoughts were crowded, her room was not. Instead, however, her brain scrambled in a haste to find something sufficient enough to say to stop Anna from hating her.

"I, well," she snapped her eyes over to Anna, who was staring up back at the regretful blonde with concern threaded in her gaze. In a moment of what she could later only justify as extreme weakness, she shakily laced her hand through the opening between Anna's arm and body, fastening their arms together in an affectionate lock. "I enjoy the company," she stammered, her voice drowned out by the dubstep that blasted in the other room.

_Holy shit. Did I just hit on her? What the hell am I thinking? _Elsa's arm trembled as it pressed against Anna's warmth, growing afraid the smaller girl could sense the sweat that started to accumulate on the limb and soak through the blue fabric of her shirt, reducing the already slick friction between the two.

"Aww," Anna swooned, pulling Elsa closer to her so that their shoulders were now making contact. "That's so sweet."

_Oh, God. Oh God. I've only had one beer, for God's sake._ Elsa stood there awkwardly, her arms intertwined with her sisters, clutching the cup so hard that it crushed between her clinching fingers.

"I really wish you did more things like this," Anna sighed in a break of the music.

"What? You mean—this?" Elsa asked, looking down briefly at the sister's fastened arms.

"Yeah, just, all of this. Do stuff with me. Treat me like a sister, show me that you care, I don't know. I just miss spending so much time with you." Even though her voice was as soothing as it ever was, it brought an inkling of apprehension out of Elsa.

_Jesus, Anna, I wish, I mean I really, really fucking wish I could make you understand why I can't do this all the time. _"Okay," she whimpered, unable to voice her real feelings.

For the next few minutes the two stayed there in silence, nestled in their own little corner of the bustling commotion. Elsa glanced at Anna in random intervals, taking these brief moments to appreciate just how gorgeous she looked as she stood there with a look of actual content on her face, instead of lamenting disappointment over her sisters social incompetence. Every time Anna took a breath, Elsa felt her body move up against hers, drifting shivers through Elsa's spine that grew progressively more enjoyable. The short period of calmness gave Elsa enough time to soothe the rapid beating of her heart, almost reaching a point of actual tranquility. _This is nice, isn't it? Well, of course it is, idiot. You're in love with her._

"Do you think Kristoff's here?" Anna asked, her head perking to the side. _Well, there goes any shred of serenity I ever had._

"What? Why—why do you care?"

"I thought you liked him."

"Oh." _Oh, shit. _"Probably. I don't know."

Anna escaped from Elsa's arm, peeking out into the living room, where the smell of Old Spice and alcohol lay dormant in the air. "I don't—I don't see him. But oh, I think I see Sven." She held up her arm, waving frantically into the inattentive crowd, which was dotted with awkward, horny students who weren't quite yet versed in the art of successful flirting.

_Why the fuck would a freshman be at an upperclassman's party?_

"I'm gonna go talk to Sven. You should go look for Kristoff, all right?" Anna suggested, poking Elsa's shoulders.

"No, don't—I mean, don't leave me." _Wow, that's pretty fucking pathetic, even for you. _Elsa bit her tongue to stop herself from saying any more once she heard herself speak the pitiful plea, shrugging her head down.

"Wait, really?" Anna looked at Elsa with sincere shock, as though Elsa wanting to bask in her company was that surprising.

"Yeah. Well, I guess if you want to go to talk to Sven you can," Elsa said, shooing away the desperation in her voice. _That's right, let your stupid pride get in the way of what you actually want._

"I do, but I'll be back," Anna assured, gifting a warm smile to the older sister. _God, you're so hot. _Elsa merely nodded in response.

As Anna pushed her way towards the evolving horde of people, Elsa withdrew herself even further into the hallway, which had now unofficially established itself as the resting place for the more lonely party goers, sulking up against the wall in a fashion similar to Elsa, who huddled herself in her crossed arms. Fidgeting with the crumpled mess of plastic in her hands, she considered navigating her way to the beer table to replenish her supply and possibly help soothe the anxious feelings that started to exhaust her once again. _You have no competition with Sven. Let it fucking go. Calm down. _She clenched her fists tight to stifle the ice conceiving in her hands, afraid her powers might overwhelm her and cause a scene.

"Was that your girlfriend?" asked the slurring pile of human that perched against the wall next to her.

"...What?" Elsa looked down at the man, whose gray shirt was stained with drops of beer and saliva. _Did I even hear that right?_

"That girl, the one you, uh, you uh, were holding hands," he clarified, wiping drool away from his gaping mouth.

"No, we weren't." _I wish we were, though. _

"You were doing s—something, I wasn't really paying attention, but if that's your girlfriend, good job, dude."

"What the hell are you even talking about?" Elsa slid down the wall, joining the man as her rear settled on the dirty, brown carpet below them, littered with old stains and food crumbs.

"She's hot, is what I'm trying to say. Jesus Christ." The man came unnecessarily indignant, the beer clearly taking hold of his emotions and destroying his ability to rationalize. "And you are, too. We don't get a lot of lesbians here."

_Oh my God, is this really happening? _"That's my sister, weren't you listening to us talk?" she grumbled. _Though it really doesn't make much of a fucking difference to me._

"Shit, I'm sorry. You two don't look alike, although I might, maybe, might be a bit too fucked to tell."

Elsa grew amused by the blubbering man, nearly hushing the worried thoughts that screamed in her head. "She is hot, isn't she?" _Wait, shit, you said that out loud. You better hope he's too fucked up to notice._

"Dude, I thought—I thought that's your sister." The man laughed, despite the awe in his voice.

"I don't wanna bang her or anything, for fuck's sake." _He doesn't have to know. _

"Oh, no, no, no, I know, I'm just saying."

Elsa looked out into the living room, Anna and Sven completely obstructed by the bodies of everyone else. She tucked her head into her knees, her cheeks rubbing up against the denim of her jeans. "I hate this fucking place," she whined after a minute.

After not hearing any reply, she looked up and realized the man had left, leaving her alone to fester in her own antagonism.

_Not even drunk people want to hang out with me._

* * *

**A/N**: too many feels for Elsa, the poor baby


	6. Something Good

"Isn't this your seventh beer?" a girl asked from beside the beer table, watching Elsa as she struggled to refill her cup.

Elsa tried to focus her concentration on the source of the voice that spoke to her, but her inebriation only allowed a slightly blurry image of the woman to assemble itself. She could make out blonde hair falling down her shoulders, framing a fragile yet pleasing face, and a sky blue shirt hugging around her small anatomy.

"I don't know, I'm not keeping—fucking—count." Elsa's response lazed out of her mouth like the beer spilling into her cup, splashes of the alcohol dousing onto the carpet thanks to her lack of coordination. "Shit."

"I've been watching you all night. Are you all right?" _Wow, what a fucking creepy thing to say._

"Watching me?" Elsa placed her cup on the table, slamming it down with more force than she intended. "That's really creepy. You're kind of creepy. Why are you—why are you watching me?"

"I don't know, I like watching people," the girl shrugged. "I like watching interesting people."

_"Weellll,_ way to be so fucking straightforward about—bout it."

"Your language sure is colorful," the girl laughed, leaning up against one of the several movie posters that tastelessly decorated the beige walls of the living room.

"I never claimed to be—a, uh, shit...what's the word?" _Word...master? Wordperson? Blacksmith? No, dammit._ "I don't know. I don't care. Why do you even care if I'm all right?" Elsa chugged a majority of her cup, the increasingly less bitter beer scalding down her throat. "You don't even know me," she swallowed, wiping the remnants of the drink off her lips. _Why is everyone trying to talk to me tonight? Do I even look like I want to be talked to?_

"I'm just curious. You've been sitting in that hallway for most of the night," she said, pointing towards the hallway of depressing desolation, where a few students still vegetated. "I've been watching other people, too, but every time I looked, you were sitting right there."

"That's a really strange thing to admit, like, if I were a crazy person, I could kick your ass over t—that," Elsa warned, stepping away from her and fumbling over her own foot as she did so. "I'm fine, I'm fine."

"I'm simply trying to make sure that you're okay. I hate to see people look so down."

"Oookay." _Go away, now. I don't need you to take pity on me. _Elsa stared out towards the crowd in hopes the woman would take the hint and leave her alone, although she watched her attentively in the corner of her softened vision.

"Whatever's bugging you, I'm willing to listen," she confided, not picking up on her passive warning.

Elsa paused, her eyes now locked on her younger sister as she stood in the corner of the room, chatting with her larger friend, whose smile was a bit too wide and polished for Elsa's comfort. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it. I'm cool."

"Well, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm right here."

_Maybe it's worth at least talking to someone tonight. Staring at Anna isn't going to help. _Elsa, disoriented, turned towards the mysterious girl and melodramatically sighed. "If you really want to kn—know, I've just been dealing with, like, a lot of shi—stuff. Like girl problems." Elsa's ability to control her volume had diminished as her insobriety increased, her voice loud and garbled.

"Girl problems? Yeah, I've been dea—"

"No, no, no, no, no. I mean, like, problems with girls. Girl problem...s. "

"Oh, I know what you mean," the girl said, nodding her head with widened eyes.

"What?" Elsa burped before she progressed, deciding to hold off on refreshing her drink. "What I'm basically saying is I like girls and they make my life a fuckin'—a living hell." _Especially one girl in particular._

"I know, I'm saying, me too." The girl's voice, although feminine and high-pitched, fell austere, looking at Elsa as though she expected her to pick up on the hidden context.

"Oh. _Ohh. _Are you a lesbian?" Elsa asked, her inhibitions now non-existent.

"I'm not straight," the girl laughed, playfully pushing Elsa's arm, whose lack of balance prompted her to stumble back a few inches.

_This just got pretty interesting._ "Oh, well, uhh." _She's pretty, I mean, as far as I can tell. Fuck, I forgot how to hit on people. Do I touch her? Do I tell her I think she's hot? _Elsa stood proud as though a brilliant idea had come to her. "Yeah, I, uh, I love girls."

_Oh, super smooth._

"Yes, they're really something," the girl giggled, her eyes lighting up at Elsa.

_You're way too fucked right now to successfully pick anyone up. Just give up and go back to sulking alone and sadly obsessing over Anna. _"So is that why you wanted to talk to me so bad? You think—you think I'm hot? I mean, do you?" _Or you can make a giant fucking idiot out of yourself. You're only doing this to take your mind off Anna, for Christ's sake._

The girl burst into a stronger laughter, holding her tender hand up to her boldly lipsticked mouth. "Why don't you just tell me your name first?"

"Elsa. Like, _Elssaaa._" _Yeah, you're wasted._

"Okay, Elsa, well it's great to meet you. I'm Alice."

"That's an awesome name. Our name's are kind of similar. Elsa...Alice...sa." As thoughts slurred from her lips, Elsa moved closer to Alice, who stiffened her body up in response.

"I think you've had a bit too much drink," Alice said, placing her hand on Elsa's shoulder.

"I think you're—" _No, you are not drunk enough to say that. Don't fucking say it. _"Uh, maybe you're right. Maybe."

"If you want, I'll keep you company until you feel better. I mean, if you _want _me to_._" Alice took her hand off the intoxicated blonde's shoulder, shrugging.

Elsa looked back to where Anna and Sven were last, the spot now empty. _Who even knows where they are right now? You might as well talk to someone instead of obsessing over it and looming in self-pity._ "Yeah, that'd—that'd be nice. I guess."

* * *

"Really? Biology?" Alice asked, watching Elsa with keen interest.

A lot of time had passed—Elsa hadn't been exactly keeping track, but the crowd of the party started to die down as the night had grown older, the solo cups that littered around the apartment being the only reminder of their presence. Elsa's sobriety had started to return, to the point where she was able to speak to her new companion with enough coherence to hold a conversation that wasn't interrupted by her short-term memory loss or need to belch. Anytime, however, she remembered about Anna and Sven—who had remained missing from sight for some time now—a rush of anxiety would abduct her, causing her to lose almost immediate interest in the conversation. As if she picked up on these moments, though, Alice would quickly change the subject to recapture the still tipsy Elsa's attention, completely oblivious as to what it was that was causing Elsa these sudden surges of pain.

The two lounged on the now unoccupied couch that rest in the middle of the living room, one which was likely so ridden with bacteria and dirt that a completely sober Elsa would have refused to sit on its tacky patterned cushions.

"No, I mean, yeah, but n—neurobiology, to be more spec—specfi, uh, spe—ci—fic," Elsa clarified. _That's a really hard word to say. _"It's fun, but, you know, shit, there's only so many times you can learn about the, uh, chemical make up of brain cells and, and tissue before you want to throw your book out the window and declare a major in 'fuck everything.'"

"Well, that certainly beats a major in drug studies," Alice shrugged. Her breath froze after she spoke, as though she had just revealed something confidential.

"No shit, that sounds a lot funner. Er, more fun. Like what do you even study? How, how drugs affect the brain? Or whatever?"

"Yes, something along those line. More like, how alcohol and drugs are made up and how people grow dependent on them. Just, I guess, boring stuff." Alice's shoulders rolled as she spoke, like she were uncomfortable with the focus being pointed at her studies.

"Wait...are you only here because you wanted to see drunk people?" Elsa asked, proud of her still inebriated brain of making such a bold connection. "Like study? Are you, are you studying me?"

"No, well, I don't know. Hans is my neighbor and he throws a lot of parties, so I like to come here and sort of just...do research, quietly, in the back of my head. And _you, _well, you just caught my interest." Alice's eyes scanned up and down Elsa's figure, before returning permanently to meet her offended gaze.

"Oh?" Elsa asked, receding her body into the couch dramatically. "Is that the only reason you wanted to talk to me? Because I was drunk?"

"_...Was? _And, no, I haven't talked to anyone else I've been studying, just you. You stand out to me, and I don't know why. But you're a fascinating person to talk to, even if you're not entirely, well," Alice bit her lip as she strained to find a word that was appropriate, smearing red on her tooth. "...Lucid."

_So, she thinks you're cute, but pathetic. Perfect. _"So did you even care that I was sad? Or were you just trying to hit on me all night?" Elsa scowled.

"I do care that you're sad, I was trying to take your mind off of it," Alice assured, strictly.

"Well, thanks, I guess, but I really don't want to be used in your research."

"I'm off the clock right now, I promise you," Alice said, placing a hand on Elsa's, which idled on the cushion next to her.

_ Well, shit. _

Elsa fought to rescue any words that came to her clouded mind, but nothing succeeded in making it past hitched breaths in her throat. Knowing she wasn't skilled enough in reciprocating any sort of flirting, she chose instead to avert her stare away from Alice, as if playing it cool and uninterested would somehow coax something more out of the girl.

"Hi!"

_Dammit, no. I almost forgot. For the first time in two years, I almost forgot you fucking existed. _Elsa turned her head around, acquainted with the sight of Anna with her chin resting on the couch behind her, her fingers strapped on the back of the furniture. _Perfect timing, really, just the most perfect Goddamned timing ever._

"Hey, uh, how's—how's Sven?" All of the worries that kept at bay while she talked with Alice flooded through her gates, her chest swollen with a rapid heart.

"Oh, yeah, I'm really sorry about that, truly. He kept talking, and talking, about everything, and then introduced me to some of his friends. I also had a drink, and a half—actually, more like a beer and a quarter, and it was pretty nasty, nothing like the shit we have at home," Anna blabbed, her lips curled into an authentic smile as she did so. "But I started to get kind of bored, and I wanted to come see you again, so—so here I am."

"Talking? About what? Anna, what was Sven trying to talk to you about?" Elsa said, her words sloshing together.

"School? I don't know, why do you...why is it such a big deal?"

"I'm just curious. Do you think he likes you? I mean, I gotta look out for you." _Way to be so fucking transparent. _"It's—it's my job, y'know?"

"I don't think he does, but I can make my own decisions about that, you know," Anna said, rising her head up from the couch. "I'm old enough to know what I'm doing."

"Okay, but, but be careful," Elsa said, trying her hardest to not plead those words. _Because if I ever saw you with anyone else, I don't know how I'd ever cope._

"Yes...well, anyways, I was going to ask you for a ride home soon, but I think it's best if I find another way home," Anna said, not hiding her judgment under her deciding gaze. Her tone turned almost hostile after Elsa's little protective confrontation.

"What? Why? I'm perfe—perfectly capable of driving you home."

"Elsa, I don't think it's safe—"

"No, no, I can drive, trust me, I'm fine. Where are my keys?" Elsa arched her butt up from the couch, patting lazily around her pants to identify the familiar bulge of keys in her pockets. "Let's go home."

"I am _not_ letting you drive me home!" Anna grabbed Elsa's shoulders, shoving her down into the cushions. Elsa briefly broke under Anna's hands, allotting herself a second to recover from the unexpected touch of her sister. _Calm down, you idiot. _The few people who remained in the party momentarily turned their focus towards the girls, but as quickly as their attention was captured, resumed their own activities, the volume level returning to what it was prior.

"I'm sorry, but you're clearly a little drunk, and I can't let you put yourself in danger like that. Or me. Or anyone. Just—find a way home, all right?" Anna bent over to Elsa, strands of her copper hair kissing the shoulders of the startled woman. "And it looks like you already found someone to go home with, anyway," she whispered into Elsa's ears, looking down at her hand, which was still resting under Alice's.

Although Anna's warm breath entering Elsa's ear ushered in a crescendo of pleasure that trekked down to her lower body—_are you really this desperate for her?—_Elsa seized at the words that accompanied these breaths. She looked over at Alice in a panic, who was too busy staring at Anna with curiosity, her hand remaining draped over Elsa's.

"I'll see you later, okay? Just don't drive home, please. And...of course, have fun," she teased, offering the seated pair a subtle wave.

Once Anna wandered off into a room away from sight, Elsa had time to analyze all of the anxieties that tormented her at once. _Who are these friends of Sven? Is she—is she interested in him? If she thinks I'm with Alice, is she going to go after Kristoff? Where the hell did she go? _Elsa's gasps were tethered in her lungs, only releasing after each panicked worry manifested itself in her head. Her fingers preemptively curled into a fist to subdue the frost that was surely due to fabricate as the negative thoughts did.

"Who was that?" Alice asked, gently removing her hand from Elsa's, who slid her's back to her own side.

"That was—a girl. A girl I know." Elsa's voice was monotonic, punctuated only by distracted breaths.

Alice nodded knowingly, her mood evidently shifting from flirtatious to concerned. "I think I understand."

_But you don't, and you won't, because no one never fucking will. _"I think she's right, I think, I might be a bit—I don't think I should drive home. I should find a place to stay tonight." Elsa glanced over at Alice, arching her eyebrows up in an effort to plant the idea she had into Alice's head as well.

"You're suggesting my apartment, aren't you?" Alice asked, her body perking up.

Elsa had suddenly grown aware at how empty the living room was, the only other students mingling in the area too involved in their own conversation at the opposite side of the enclosure to pay any attention to the two blondes that were now gazing at each other on the couch. "Yeah, I—I am."

_No. _

_ You don't want this. This won't make you forget her._

"I really, _truly, _hate to be so blunt, but, are you trying to pick me up?" Alice asked. Elsa couldn't read Alice's face well enough to know what the right answer to that accusation was.

"Yes," she critically breathed, unconsciously clenching her fingernails into the palms of her hands.

_You don't fucking want this. Don't even try to act like you'd ever want anyone but Anna._

"I'll take you back because I know you need a place to stay the night—God knows Hans has been in his own bedroom all night trying to score with some chick, or _guy_ he doesn't have a chance with—but," Alice started, reeling her head into her body as though she had been suddenly overwhelmed with shame, "I can't—I mean, I won't do that with you. I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry." Her voice fell hushed as she apologized.

"Why—why not?" Elsa asked, sensing the recognizable pangs of heartache assault her once again, a feeling that she was all too familiar with, although her heart had never grown calloused enough to be impervious to its pain.

"You're cute—you're_ really, _really, cute, trust me, you were right about that being one of the reasons I approached you, but not only are you still clearly too inebriated to be making any sort of decisions like this, but you—" Alice paused before she continued her explanation, sheathing her hand over Elsa's once again, but this time in a gesture of consolation. "Elsa, I know I literally just met you—"

"Then don't say anything, because you—you don't fucking know me," Elsa repeated from earlier, this time more anger mended in her tone.

"You're in a lot of pain, Elsa, aren't you?" she softly asked, lacing her fingers between Elsa's.

Elsa couldn't hold back the stinging of tears that occurred behind her cerulean stare, and the redness that dyed her cheeks. "How is it so obvious?" _This is why I don't fucking talk to people. _

"I like watching people, I can see pain. I don't want to take advantage of you, I can't live with myself if I knew I took you home like that if you're hurting so much. Besides, I'm not, well, particularly the type of person who does that sort of, 'activity.'"

"Then why did you hit on me? And hold my fucking hand?" Elsa spat, although her hand stayed fixed in Alice's grasp, unable to bring herself to escape her warmth.

"Flirting doesn't have to lead to sex."

_This is a blessing, not an inconvenience, you dense asshole. _"I would have been doing it for all of the wrong reasons, anyway," Elsa said after a calming breath. _And having sex while thinking about your sister is depressing as all hell._ She succeeded in holding back her tears, but the dampening moroseness of her situation still lingered inside her.

"I figured as much," the girl shrugged. "Also, I hate to change the subject so quickly but—your hand, it's, it's very cold," she noted, squeezing Elsa's.

"Yeah, I have that thing where your hands get really cold. Bad—bad circul...circulation," she lied.

"You probably shouldn't drink too much, then."

"Probably not." _But for other reasons._

Elsa bit her lip in the silence, fighting to find anything to talk about or even do to take her mind off of Anna. "I'm sorry I called you a creep—and then, uh, got—got mad when you wouldn't go home with me. That's creepy, I think, I think I'm the creep here."

"No, it's fine, I've always been rather blunt about things. Either way, I do have an extra bed where my old roommate used to sleep that you can sleep in tonight," she offered with a grin.

Elsa nodded, knowing she had no other choice at this point in the night. "Fine."


	7. Full Stops

_ Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up pick up pick up. _The constant ringing on the other side of the line mirrored the frantically repeating words in Elsa's head, mocking her inflating panic. _For God's sake, if she doesn't-_

"Hey, uh, what's up?" The sound of an actual human voice startled Elsa, who had begun to consider hanging up.

"Hi, Anna," Elsa said, grogginess blistering her voice, her clammy hands shaking as she held her phone, body perched cross-legged on the bed. "I'll uh, just get straight to it, I guess. I just—I wanted to apologize about last night, mostly."

"Oh, wait, wow. Really? You're calling me about that?"

"Yeah? Why, is it so wrong for me to want to say 'I'm sorry?'" Elsa couldn't inflict her tone to be anything close to angry, her voice instead staying flat and exhausted.

"No, no, no, it's not that," Anna assured, speaking quickly. _God, it's so cute when she jumbles her words together like that. _"I'm just surprised, I never would have thought you'd call to apologize about _anything, _I mean, it's nice. Uh, it's a nice surprise. I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted right now—Violet was making me watch this video online."

Elsa heard Violet's voice ring out in the background, faintly making out "it's funny, dammit."

"So, wait—you made it home?" Elsa asked, becoming more alert.

"Yeah, I got a ride home, from Kristoff."

_Fucking. Hell. _"What? He wasn't even there!" Elsa said, a twinge of agony swelling through her. Her free hand gripped the sheets of the bed below her, bunching the fabric up in her straining fingers, nails scraping against cloth. _Stop it, calm down. Don't freeze this poor girl's bed sheets._

"Yeah, he came late. Something about getting too distracted pre-gaming. But he offered me a ride home, so I took it. Oh, he drove Sven home, too, so I wouldn't worry about me getting in the car with strangers or whatever the hell it is that's been making you so paranoid lately."

_So she has noticed. _"I said, I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for offering you a ride home when I was—well, not, uh, entirely in the right state—"

"Drunk," Anna strongly corrected, cutting Elsa's ramble short.

"Fuck, okay, whatever. I'm sorry for that, and for being overly protective." _Except I'm not, and I'm only apologizing because I missed your stupid fucking voice and didn't want to seem like a terrible sibling._

"It's okay, I'm just giving you shit. It's okay, really. Thanks for looking out for me." Anna's tone fell to something close to affectionate and soothing, almost distracting Elsa from the unease that had recessed inside her.

"No problem. But—you know, with Kristoff—nothing happened with Alice and I, oh, and she's the girl I went home with, but anyway—nothing happened, and I—" _What am I even trying to say?_

"Elsa," Anna laughed, her voice fading away briefly as if she was taking her phone away from her face. "I don't, uh, I don't think either of us are going to have a chance with him, if that's what you're trying to say."

A small feeling of relief soothed Elsa, but was accompanied with a hoard of questions. "Why?"

Anna sighed, her breath so loud it distorted through the speaker. "I get the feeling that he might, um, how do I even say this—he might play for the other team."

_Holy shit, no way. _Elsa hesitated a bit before speaking, sitting up against the wall of the room she slept in the night prior. "He's gay?"

Anna giggled again. _Stop it, you're going to kill me with that laugh of yours. _"I think so."

"How do you know? You don't even have a gaydar," Elsa said, craving more clarification that Kristoff was indeed off-limits for Anna. "When I told you I liked girls, you acted like I just told you I was considering becoming a nun or something. Plus, I've known him a lot longer than you have, and I never—I mean, I never—"

"Well," Anna started, cutting off her sister, "I just get that vibe. I get vibes from people, you know?" The sound of Anna settling onto her mattress carried through the receiver, muffling her voice. "Plus, he was talking about this boy he met at the party all night. How they 'really hit it off' or something. Either way, I'm not going for that."

Elsa ached to ask Anna if she were going to hold off on dating entirely, but with the boundaries she had been pushing lately, she decided to respond instead with a mere "oh," barely audible enough to carry over to Anna's side.

"Yeah," Anna exhaled.

"Okay. Uh, well yeah, I just wanted to call to say sorry. And, maybe see if uh...well, uh—" _Just ask her, for fuck's sake. _There was no response from the other line, but the faint sound of breathing hinted to Elsa that Anna was still there, waiting for her to finish her request as she staggered over her words. "Do you wanna maybe hang out later?" Elsa's invitation was nervous and barely intelligible, syllables meshed together in anxious urgency. _You get nervous asking your own sister to hang out. Bravo._

"Wha—me? Really? Yeah, of course. Oh wow, I honestly—I was afraid I'd never really see you. But uh, yeah, definitely. What did you have in mind?" The excitement returned in Anna's voice, alleviating Elsa's apprehension.

"Actually, I don't really know. You can come over to my apartment and see it, 'cause you've never seen it. Maybe just some food and a movie, I don't know. 'Cause, I do owe you dinner, so..."_ Shit, that's cheesy._

"Of course. Just text me later with a day or whatever. But yeah, sure."

Elsa chewed down a smile, as though she were afraid Anna could somehow see through her phone the excitement broadcasting on the older sister's face. "Yeah, I will. All right, well I gotta go—"

"Me too. Thanks for calling, really."

"No problem, bye." Elsa suspended talking for a moment, taking a deep breath before speaking further. "I love you."

After being met with silence, Elsa scrambled to look at her phone, only to discover Anna had already ended the call moments earlier. Learning this, she lazed against the wall, listening only to the sound of her progressively calmer breaths._ It's not a date. She's your sister. Don't get too excited. _

"Hello?" Alice asked from the opposite side of the door, knocking on it softly.

"Yeah? You can come in," Elsa said, straightening herself up.

"Hi, I heard you talking—on your phone, I assume, and figured you woke up already." Alice opened up the door to her former roommate's room, her eyes instantly fixing on Elsa's.

"Yup. I woke up around a half hour ago and then decided to call, uh...that girl from last night." _Why are you too afraid to tell her she's your sister? _

"Oh." Alice seemed almost disappointed. "Anyway, I, uh, I made breakfast for myself, but I have some leftover, if you're interested."

"Oh?" Elsa asked, her interest caught in the promise of free food. "What did you make?" _She's offering you a free meal. Don't be picky._

"Pancakes," Alice responded with an enticing smile, raising an eyebrow.

"Shit, that sounds perfect." Elsa took a moment to scan herself over, still dressed in the clothes she wore to the party, which stunk of alcohol and bad choices. She ran a hand through her hair, where locks of white diverged into something of a mess, her single braid close to coming undone. "Well, I was going to say let me get dressed or ready, but I guess I just brought myself here."

"Yeah, how are you feeling? Are you hungover at all or anything?" Alice asked.

"Not really. I feel more gross than anything," Elsa shrugged, pulling at the sleeves of her unwashed shirt. "I think after breakfast I'll just...take off, if that's okay."

Alice acknowledged Elsa with a gentle nod, her stare remaining fastened on Elsa. "Okay. Whenever you're ready, though, it's out in the kitchen."

The smile returned on Elsa's face, a sincere trace of gratitude hidden behind her eyes. "Thanks."

* * *

"Are you leaving already?" Alice asked, noticing Elsa bringing her cleared plate up to the kitchen sink, which was immaculately clean and free of any sort of food debris, a sight pleasing to Elsa.

Alice's apartment was a stark contrast from Elsa's, decorated by someone who clearly had an intricate imagination and at least a vague sense of proper interior design, as well as disposable income. Its subdued blue coloring cast tranquility into Elsa, a feeling which was rather uncommon to her lately.

"Yeah, I didn't know where you went, well, I assumed you went back to your room, but I didn't want to disturb you," Elsa called out over the sound of running water.

"Oh, you—you didn't have to clean that, you're the guest. I'll get that for you," Alice said, rushing over to Elsa.

Gently, Alice pushed up against Elsa, taking the plate from her hands to wash it herself. Elsa didn't particularly hate the feeling of touched, but it was not a sensation she was used to, either, unintentionally trembling upon the contact with Alice's body. "T—thanks," she stammered, shuffling away from Alice.

"No, thanks for keeping me company. Ever since my roommate moved out, it's been pretty lonely here," Alice confided, finishing off the cleaning with a final rinse.

_Company? I've barely seen you since you took me home. _"No problem, really. It's nice to have a new place to sleep every once in a while."

"Well, I gave you my number, right? Anytime you want to talk to someone, or need a place to stay, you know where to find me," Alice reminded, putting the dish on the drying rack and turning herself towards Elsa, who was leaning up against the kitchen counter.

"I might take you up on that. A lot." _Because having someone listen to me for once is a nice change of pace._

"I'd love it if you did," Alice smiled, her grin lighting up her delicately beautiful face.

A moment fertile with an odd tension passed, the two girls caught up in staring into each others eyes with unclear intentions. Elsa's body raised with a strong breath, readying herself to say anything to break the increasingly uncomfortable silence, tapping her fingers on the navy surface of the counter. "So yeah, thanks, honestly. I owe you."

"It was my pleasure. I'll walk you to do the door, okay?" Alice offered, pointing her thumb towards the entrance.

Elsa glanced over at the boldly white door, which was only a few feet away from the kitchen. "Uh...okay, yeah, sure."

"So, you remember where you parked?" Alice asked, leading Elsa over to the front door.

"Yeah, right down the street, I got it," Elsa nodded, walking beside the other blonde. _Be nice to her, she saved your sorry ass._ "Again, though, thanks for everything, for the food, the bed, even just lending an ear. It means a lot to me, you have no idea how much of a mess my life has been recently." _You're not drunk anymore, you don't have to give her your sob story._

"Anytime. Seriously." Alice opened up the door for Elsa, a slight breeze wafting in from the chilled outdoors.

"So...I'll see you around, or text you," Elsa shrugged, standing in the doorway. "If you can think of any way I can repay you, too, let me know."

Alice knit her gorgeous lips together, which were twisting up in a grin. "You could buy me dinner," she suggested after a moment, a whisper of a flirt in her tone.

_Fantastic. Now I owe two people dinner._ _I can barely afford my own food. _"Sounds good," Elsa responded, despite her discontent. "All right, well, bye."

Before Elsa could step outside, however, she felt the faint pressure of fingers on her forearm, followed by the familiar sensation of plush warmth pressing against her lips—Alice was kissing her.

_ Well, this is happening._

Alice pushed herself away from Elsa as soon as a few seconds passed, Elsa still hung up in registering the sudden intrusion, her hands held out to her sides with her fingers spread out in an instinctive reflex.

"Oh—was that—was that too—I shouldn't have done that," Alice gasped, reading the awe on Elsa's face.

"I was thinking something more along the lines of a handshake," Elsa blurted, folding her hands back down.

Alice looked horrified, breaking eye contact with Elsa and stumbling back into her apartment with regret abundant in her movements. She shut the door on Elsa, the cold gust from the closing door blowing into the lighter-haired girls face.

"_Fuck,_" Elsa heard Alice swear from inside, her voice rich with remorse.

_What the fuck just happened?_ Elsa stared at the door in front of her, her thoughts still catching up. "Well, bye," she shouted to the door, turning around and hurrying to her car.

_That's right, repress the fact that all you could think about was how much nicer it would have been if it were Anna on your lips instead of her._

* * *

**A/N**: Okay maybe a little Elsa/Alice. Don't worry, haven't lost sight that this is an Elsanna fic—I'll _never _lose sight of that. Prommissee.


	8. That Easy

**A/N:** I've been noticing a hilarious glitch where sometimes the chapters to this story are switched with chapters from Raging Storm and vice versa. I have absolutely no idea how this is happening but if you see it happen, I am aware of it and am fixing it as it comes. In the mean time, feel free to mesh the two stories together, however, as I'm sure that would be an amazing crossover.

* * *

"Hey, I'm—I'm here," Elsa yelled to the door in front of her after a few quick knocks on its surface, rough from the paint that was peeling on it._ Your voice actually squeaked. Holy shit, are you a 15 year old boy going on your first date?_

"Elsa, oh my God, you _have _to see this," Anna urged as she opened her door, once the two sisters met each others gaze—Anna's filled with excitement, Elsa's, with residual anxiety.

Before Elsa could make any sort of reply, Anna grabbed Elsa's forearm, pulling her into her dorm room, shutting the door behind them. Violet was sat on her own bed, sitting with her legs up to her face, conspicuously suppressing a few giggles while she covered her eyes.

"Watch her," Anna instructed, still bouncing with enthusiasm, her hand remaining gripped around Elsa's arm.

"I can't believe I'm doing this for you," Violet said in a muffled voice, still chuckling.

"What?" Elsa desperately tried to ignore the warmth that was spreading through her body from the sensation of Anna's hand wrapped around her. "What's going–"

"Just show her already!"

"All right, all right," Violet said, her voice hinting that she was smiling. "Elsa, just—just watch me, okay? ...Are you watching?"

"Yeah, I'm, uh, yeah." Elsa darted her eyes back to Violet after staring at Anna for a good moment, enamored at how adorable Anna was when she was this excited.

"Okay. So I'm here, right?"

"...Yeah?" Elsa looked at the girl curiously, now very aware of her unconscious body moments when held under Anna's grasp.

_Oh my God. _

As soon as she spoke, Violet disappeared into what Elsa could only describe as the lamest yet most mesmerizing magic trick she's ever seen, leaving only her purple shirt and black pants in her place, still retaining her shape. As amazing as it was to witness, it disturbed Elsa greatly, seeing filled pieces of clothing and indents in the bed without anyone responsible for them, the empty space emitting a few girlish chuckles.

"What the _fuck_?" Elsa said, lingering in disbelief.

"Isn't it amazing? Like, holy crap, I came in earlier and startled her and she went invisible. Actually, well, _almost_ invisible, except for her clothes. Apparently she comes from a family of super heroes or something. I thought it was really cool, and you were the first person that came to mind," Anna rambled, finally letting go of Elsa's forearm, the imprints of her fingertips embedded in the pale blue fabric. _The first person?_

As Anna spoke, Violet regained her visibility, staring up at the two girls with amusement in her gaze. "It is pretty cool, isn't it?" The normally humbled roommate blushed, still hiding her face.

"That's—wow, that's—how do you even do that?" Elsa asked.

_I'd do anything to be able to turn invisible sometimes. Christ, I'm pathetic._

"I don't know, I've always known how to do it," she shrugged.

"I told her about what you can do," Anna said, grinning at Elsa as though she were searching for approval.

_Fuck. That was supposed to be a secret._

"Oh." _Don't get mad. You never told her. _"What did you tell her, exactly?" Elsa said, quietly.

"That you have ice powers, basically." Anna pointed at Elsa's hand, where fingers curled with frustration and worry over what was about to happen.

"Yeah, that's pretty awesome," Violet interrupted, able to hear the sisters talk despite their lowered voices. "My dad has a friend who has powers like that. It's not very common, honestly. Were you, uh, were you born with yours?"

"Y—yeah," Elsa stammered, hiding her hands behind her back. "I'm not sure how I got them, I mean no one in my family has powers."

"Do you wanna see? She can do really awesome things with it, I swear." Anna looked up at Elsa with pride in her eyes._ She's proud of you. She's actually proud of you over something._

"It couldn't hurt," Violet said, only a trace of sincerity present in her response.

"What? No, she's seen it before, she doesn't have to see _me _do it," Elsa said in protest.

"Come on, please? For me?" Anna begged.

_Dammit, I'd do anything for you. _With hesitance, Elsa brought her hands out from behind her back, rubbing together for a moment to appear as though she were in preparation for something in drastic—in reality, however, it was a pensive move to appease the anxiety of something going horribly wrong, as it had in the past when her powers became uncontrollable. She separated her hands, a miniature flurry forming between her fingers. In the corner of her eyes, she could see Anna watching her with peak excitement, despite seeing Elsa display her powers hundreds of times before during their childhood.

_Don't fuck this up._

With anticipating eyes glued on her, Elsa pointed her trembling hands at a clearing on the floor, a storm of frost streaming from her fingers onto the spot she pointed at. A blast of ice struck the floor, crystals radiating out from the center towards the walls in menacing spikes.

_Shit. That was supposed to be a panda. _Elsa withdrew her hands back to her body, getting ready to release a frantic apology. "Oh God, I'm s—"

"Woah, that's pretty awesome," Violet said, reaching her hand out to touch one of the spikes.

_I guess it could have been a lot worse._

Anna nodded, her eyes scanning around the icy mess that was now on her dorm room floor. "Isn't it? She never does it anymore, but when we were kids she used to make sculptures and, I don't know, we just played around in them all the time."

"I can't really control it as well as I used to," Elsa muttered. _All because of you._

"Yeah, well, if you ever _do_ get it under control," Anna said, looking at Elsa again, "tell me. I'd love to play with you again—you know, like old times."

"Even though we're grown up?" Elsa raised an eyebrow at her younger sister, yet hoped she'd still abide by what she said.

"Of course. Age is just a number."

_And "related" is just a technicality._

* * *

"So, you're wearing your hair down now?"

Anna ran her fingers through her hair, twirling wisps of red around her fingers. "Yeah...um, I braid it sometimes—like for that party we went to last week, or, well, I guess that's really it. I'm starting to get used to it being, uh, free like this."

_It looks beautiful. _"It looks pretty good."

Anna smiled at the elder, pushing stray tresses behind her ear. "Thanks."

Elsa grasped her own braid, pushing it beside her face as if she were self-conscious of the mesh of hair, which had been growing progressively messier the more stressed out she became, unable to keep up with the maintenance it deserved. _Just shut up and watch the movie. _But even Uma Thurman couldn't distract her from the beauty that was sitting next to her on the couch, rising in soft breaths.

"I think yours looks good, too," Anna said after a short silence, the volume of her voice matching that of the movie.

_She's just saying that to make you feel better._

Yet Anna brought a hand up to the top of Elsa's head, taking strands of white between her fingers and sifting them through her fingertips, shivers sending down Elsa's spine at the contact. After a short moment of Anna tracing her digits around a select strand of her sister's hair, she tucked her hand back onto the couch, but not without giving Elsa a warm smile first, one that magnified the tremors that were assaulting her.

_What was that_? _Was that a come on? Oh my God, does she—does she feel the same way?_

Elsa glanced over at her younger sister, the pleasant shudders finally subsiding. Anna had resumed watching the movie, her hauntingly charming eyes fixed on the barely substantial TV that sat on the far end of the living room.

_Make a move on her._

At a glacier's pace, Elsa scooted closer towards Anna, who was too engrossed in the movie to notice how close her sister was now, the rough fabric of Elsa's button-up barely scraping up against the bare skin of Anna's arm.

_Wait, what the fuck are you doing? Don't make a move on your sister, you idiot._

Elsa stayed there awkwardly, frozen in her position. As hard as she tried to watch the movie, which had reached a rather intense moment, she couldn't ignore the feeling of Anna's body slightly pressed against hers, nearly melting at the feeling.

"This movie is fucking insane," Anna whispered, her voice so close it tickled Elsa's ears.

Elsa stretched her head away slightly, calming herself enough to respond. "I know. It's one of my favorites. That's, uh, that's why I chose it. I can't believe you've never watched these."

"That Bride girl is so badass," Anna swooned.

_I could be badass. _"Yeah," Elsa gently agreed.

Anna turned her head towards Elsa, studying her for a moment with dilated pupils. _Fuck, what is she looking at?_ "Are you all right?"

"What?" _Is it really this obvious?_

"I don't know, you seem nervous, or distracted, or something," she shrugged, her shoulders tugging against Elsa's.

_All you've been doing for the past few weeks is cringing under her touch and losing your breath when she so much at looks at you. Your own fucking sister. Maybe it is time to tell her. Or do something. Anything. _

Elsa gifted Anna a powerful stare, holding onto her breath. _Say it. Tell her._

She glanced down at Anna's lips, which somehow looked even more inviting than ever, glistening in the lights that came from the end table lamp beside her.

_Kiss her._

"Elsa?"

"...Yeah?" Elsa breathed, all of the muscles in her body tightened.

_Just do it. You can't live like this anymore._

Yet Elsa still froze, unable to move any part of her body past a few hair widths, as though her body kicked in a defense mechanism to prevent her from making any reckless decisions. Anna raised her eyebrows, looking genuinely worried at Elsa's apparent inability to respond. _This was a stupid decision. What the hell were you thinking?_

"Woah, wait—what's that?" Anna asked, her eyes now focused on Elsa's furthest hip. _Sweet fucking serendipity._

"Huh?" Elsa looked at where Anna was staring at, catching that a blotch of black on her skin was visible in the section exposed between her shirt and her pants. _Shit._

"Is that a birthmark? What—what the hell is that?" Anna asked, looking back up at Elsa.

_ No point in lying to her. _"It's a tattoo," she mumbled.

"What the hell? When did _you _get a tattoo?" Anna asked, straining to look at it closer.

Defeated, Elsa pulled the waistband of her jeans down a few inches, exposing the tattoo entirely, as well at the previously hidden pastiness of her complexion. "I got it two weeks after my eighteenth birthday. I never told aunt Gerda or uncle Kai, so if you could keep it a secret, that'd be...appreciated."

"What is it of? Is that—is that a logo?" Elsa could physically feel Anna's gaze on her skin, let alone the caressing breezes of the air in the apartment.

"It's the Radiohead logo. I—I used to be really into them." _Now I try to forget I have it._

"Wow, you really are a loser," Anna smirked. "Did it hurt?"

"Like all hell. I wish I got it on my shoulder instead of my hip."

"I can't believe you have a fucking _Radiohead _tattoo. You're the biggest nerd in the entire freaking planet," Anna said, giggling.

"Shut up. You can barely see it," Elsa snarled. _Great defense there._

Anna shook her head as she laughed, ropes of her hair brushing up against Elsa's cheek, prompting the older sister to harness the breaths in her chest. "Can I touch it?" Anna asked, suppressing her chuckles.

_Oh, Jesus. _"Why?"

"I've never touched a tattoo. Does it feel weird or anything?" Without gaining approval from Elsa, Anna reached her hand over, tracing the outline of the small, inked artwork that blurred on Elsa's abdomen. Unwanted arousal instantly throbbed through Elsa, who bucked her hips involuntarily at Anna's touch. _Oh fuck. Oh, fuck._

"The movie's over," Elsa breathed, the words tumbling out of her mouth in a haste as she noted the black screen on the TV. "And I have homework."

"You're kicking me out?" Anna asked. She brought her hands back to her body, Elsa trembling as the uncomfortable crave for released lingered between her legs.

_Get it together. For God's sake, get it together. _"No, I'm not, since I have to drive you home. If I were kicking you out, I'd just shove you out the door," Elsa teased, attempting to bring some light back into their interaction, hoping it'd subdue the heat between her legs.

"Hey, uh...N...Nan...Elsa's roommate," Anna called out to Nani's room, who she briefly acquainted with before dinner. "Elsa's kicking me out."

"You little shit," Elsa sneered, elbowing her sister.

"Elsa, you're an ass," Nani's voice chimed from her room. "Let her stay."

"But—but I have homework and class in the morning, and—"

"Relax, I was just messing with you. Thanks for finally making me dinner, I guess we're even now." Anna patted Elsa's thigh hard enough for her to feel the sting of her slaps through the black denim. _Christ._

"No problem."

"Well, I guess I have to finish my project for Drawing 101. I have to do twenty still lives. Twenty fucking still lives. In four days. This class is going to kill me." Anna rose from her seat. "I might just visit you more often, at least to distract myself from the shitload of work I have to do. Plus, you have to show me part two."

_Please do. _"Please don't."

Anna laughed as she stretched her arms above her head, Elsa straining her neck away to prevent herself from staring at Anna's slender physique as it peeked through the bottom of her green t-shirt, a sliver of her untouchable skin briefly visible. _Don't stare, you creep. _

"It's fun hanging out with you again, like we did when we were kids. I missed just hanging out like this, like...sisters," Anna mused as she stretched out her body.

_Sister. Of course. She wasn't coming onto you, she's just treating you like any other sister would, which you're too stupid to realize because you never treated her like one. _"Yeah."

"I'm going to use the bathroom real fast before we leave—uh, where is it?"

"Right over there." Elsa pointed at the furthest door.

"Great, I'll be back in a minute."

As Anna made her way towards the bathroom, Elsa took a moment to examine what _the hell_ just happened. _You almost kissed her. You almost tried to kiss your sister, you fucking retard. What the hell is wrong with you?_

_ She doesn't want you. She'll never want you like you want her._

Although her body recovered from Anna's unforeseen contact, the painful bite of Anna reaffirming that they were just that—sisters—stayed in her chest. Her eyes darted at her cell phone, which lay unmoved on the coffee table in front of her.

_...But there is someone who wants you._

* * *

**A/N**: No offense to Radiohead fans, I dig them just fine. B)


	9. Three Points

**A/N**: I'm aware of the drama that surfaced on Tumblr about how some of the fandom dislikes this fanon interpretation of Elsa (usually in modern AUs), where she's more angsty and masculine. I'd rather keep my editorial comments out of this, and I know Tessellate is a big offender. If you don't like that Elsa, I'm sorry. I'm keeping her as-is, though. I do love canon!Elsa, though, with all my heart, and am not trying to undermine her, but this Elsa is fun to write, too.

If you really want to discuss with me, feel free to send me a PM.

As for all of you who are loyal readers, I love you, seriously. It means a lot.

* * *

"What's your favorite animal?"

"What?"

Alice scrolled through her phone, her eyes fixed on its bright screen. "I like to make people's contact picture their favorite animal." _Well, I suppose that's one way to keep track._

The last two and a half weeks saw the two meeting quite frequently, forming a friendship that Elsa so sorely craved to have. Despite Alice apologizing for her intruding kiss, as well as showing genuine interest in Elsa's character and companionship, their friendship was not without its flirtatious moments, be it Elsa's hand accidentally brushing up against Alice's sides, or a lingering stare that may or may not have been intentional. Elsa still had no interest in Alice that wandered past a physical attraction, however, her affections still latched on Anna like a worsening curse. Yet she couldn't help herself from returning the flirts, even finding herself enjoying it on occasion. Yet, at the other times, the two got along like fast friends, teasing each other and talking for hours about subjects that had no pressing importance. Elsa could almost be herself around her. _Almost._

"...Otters," Elsa muttered, sipping on her straw afterward.

"...Wait, otters?" Alice asked, looking up at Elsa across the table with a grin on her face.

"Yeah. I—I've always loved otters, " Elsa shrugged.

"Why? I always saw you as being someone who was into, I don't know, wolves or something."

"Wolves?" Elsa huffed.

"Yeah, or foxes, or something."

"No, I mean they're fine, but I love otters. They're adorable, and—and they're great swimmers." _Oh great, now she knows your soft side for cute animals. _

"Interesting. Do you like to swim?"

"Are you ever going to eat your burger?" Elsa asked, noticing that although she had finished hers, Alice had barely touched her food. The stiffness of the booths of the fast food restaurant they sat in were starting to take its toll on her back, wishing she had at least some padding against her ailing body.

"Give me a moment."

"Jesus, are you one of those people that only eat like, a quarter of a burger and then throw the rest out?"

Alice glared up at Elsa, who immediately regretted her accusation, having been mocked for her own eating habits before. "No. I said give me a moment."

"It's awfully rude to use your phone when you're with company," Elsa teased.

"You always have yours out." Alice slid her phone back into her pocket, crossing her bare arms across the table. "Anyway, I asked you a question."

"I do. I mean, I did. I swam in high school," Elsa said softly, dreading explaining to Alice as to why she stopped partaking in this particular hobby.

"You know DU has a swim team, right?"

"I don't swim anymore." Elsa looked down at her fingers with resentment, retracting them into her palms. "At least, I can't swim competitively. I have to be in the right mood to swim."

"Oh, yes, I know what you mean. When you're not in the right mood, it's really hard to do certain things."

_Yeah, and I'd freeze the entire fucking pool like I did during the semi-finals in my junior year. _"Yeah."

Alice finally took a bite of her burger, Elsa's eyes wandering around the restaurant as she waited for Alice to finish. Afternoon classes had just ended, so the facility was sprinkled with other college students looking for an evening snack, their loud chatter combined with the overwhelming smell of greasy foods eliciting unease out of Elsa, who was not used to eating at such establishments. _Why did I even suggest this?_ She looked down at the table, which although she had wiped several times, was stained with various foods and condiments from years of use.

"I would love to see you swim, though," Alice purred, arching her eyebrows up.

"You'd just love to see me in a swimsuit, don't lie." Elsa hid her smile behind her cup of Sprite, still getting used to the casual flirtation.

"It'd be a nice plus."

"So, do you swim?" Elsa asked, unsure of how else to continue the banter.

"I've had some—well, strange experiences with swimming. I'm not particularly fond of it."

"Oh? What hap—" As Elsa spoke, her phone went off in her jeans, astonishing her as her body shivered. "Shit, I'm vibrating, hold on."

Elsa grabbed the phone from out of her jeans, checking the name of the caller. _Anna. Oh, fuck. _"I gotta take this, it's my sister, give me just one second," she reported, her pulse quickening with anticipation, her previous interest in her conversation with Alice almost entirely melted away.

"It's rude to have your phone out," Alice repeated in a mocking tone with a smirk.

"Anna," Elsa breathed, answering her phone and ignoring Alice, who shrugged and nibbled on her burger. _God, she eats so slow._

"He—woah, you sound a little startled."

"Just wasn't really expecting you to call me."

"Uh, all right, well, guess what? No, I'll tell you. Okay," Anna took a deep breath, almost breathless from her excited rambling. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be in an art show next week," Alice announced with delight in her voice. "I just found out. Like, literally, I just found out from my color theory professor, and I had to call you right away."

_I knew she was talented, but seriously? _"No fucking way. How did you even—"

"What? What's going on?" Alice asked, putting her burger down.

"My teachers love my work, and they selected a few submitted pieces from some...'promising freshmen', as they call it. There's art from all grades in the gallery, but this is a special show. For us. Just for us!" There was excitement in Anna's voice as she spoke of her achievement, which gripped Elsa's heart with sickening adoration."Isn't that—I mean, I'm so freakin' stoked about this whole thing."

"Well, you were in all of the shows in high school."

"Yeah, but _college. _A university art show. An actual show!"

"That's—that's great, Anna." Elsa was oddly jealous, even though she never had any talent in the arts or creative releases, besides impromptu ice sculpting. _I wish my major had shows like that._

"I know, I know. Oh God, I'm so happy. But, but I called you because I wanted to invite you. It's on Friday. Friday night. Uh, at seven. Or eight. I don't know, I was too excited to listen."

"I'm going to the store with you on Tuesday, why didn't you wait to tell me all this then?_" Because I love watching you get this hyped up in person, it's incredibly adorable._

"I had to tell you right away. Oh, and you can bring someone, if you want. You can bring Alice, if you want. Or any of your other friends I haven't met. Or Nani. Do you think Nani would like to go? I don't know, I—"

"Anna," Elsa said, cutting her sister off as she trailed into another ramble. "I'll find someone to take." She looked over at Alice, phone still pressed to her ear. Alice had finished eating, and was waiting patiently for Elsa to finish, though Elsa swore she saw a trace of annoyance on the normally polite girl's face and pressed lips. "I really have to go now, though. It's kind of a bad time." _Any other time and I would have talked to you for hours if I could._

"Oh. Okay, but don't forget, all right? You're not busy then, right?"

"No, of course not." _I can hold off studying for you._

"Awesome, okay, see you Tuesday. Bye," she sang.

"Bye," Elsa repeated. She always felt a small twinge of anxiety every time she ended a conversation with Anna, preceded by a few minutes of over analyzing everything she said during their interaction.

"Are you going to tell me what _that _was about?" Alice asked.

Elsa stared at Alice for a good moment before she finally spoke. "How much do you like art?"

* * *

Elsa tugged the bottom of her mint-colored dress, almost overly obsessive about how she looked when she was in dress clothes. She never appreciated the way they fit her body, either too short, too long, or too loose, usually presenting her body in a weird caricature of how it truly looked. _This looked a lot longer when I tried it on a few months ago._

"Stop worrying, you look fine," Alice assured.

"Easy for you to say, you look amazing in _your _dress." Elsa scanned Alice up at down, envious of how well her light blue dress, trimmed with white, fit her physique.

"And you don't?"

"I don't look amazing in your dress?"

"No, I mean—"

"I know what you meant," Elsa joked. "I just wish it were longer."

The exhibit hall was small, the show hosted in one of the town's local art halls. It had an odd, off-color charm to it that Elsa enjoyed, with its cartoon pig mascot, rustic-style theming and purchasable baked goods, permeating a scent that helped soothe her somewhat. Illustrations of various subjects and media arrayed the walls, some with price tags on them, others, just for viewing. The show was packed, though, with Alice and Elsa huddled into their own little corner that was void of any other viewers, Elsa peeking through the crowds for any sign of Anna.

"Look, an otter...I think," Alice said, pointing to a piece that hung on the far wall.

"No, that's a weasel. Er, maybe. I can't tell." Elsa squinted her eyes, still gripping the fabric of the bottom of her dress, which reached midway down her thighs. "God, where is she?"

"She's that girl from the party, right?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, that's—"

"Elsa!"

_I know her voice when I hear it. _"Anna! Where the fu—where are you?" she called out over the horde of well-dressed people, letting go of her garment.

She saw Anna, adorned in a full-length magenta dress—_oh God, she looks so gorgeous—_gently maneuver her way around a few onlookers, inadvertently running into a larger man in a blazer. "Oh, excuse me." She waved to Elsa once she saw her, sliding her way into the pair's isolated corner in the back of the show. "Hi. Um, I mean." Anna slicked a few strands of her hair, which was still freely worn down, behind her ears. "...How are you liking the show?"

"It's really impressive, actually," Elsa noted, studying the artwork.

"I know, isn't it? Uh, my work is over—over there." Anna pointed at a painting on the other side of the wall, somewhat obscured by the heads of people standing in front of it.

Past the obstructions, Elsa could see a painting of a tabby cat, lazing on a windowsill with brilliantly rendered lighting filtering through the window and illuminating its gray fur. "Oh my God, is that a painting of Madam Purrs?" _I still can't believe we let Anna name her when she was nine._

"Yeah, I painted that over the summer, actually, but I submitted it for this show. Do you like it? Can you even see it? You can go get a better view if you want."

"It's really...wow, that's amazing. I didn't even know you could paint that well."

"Honestly, Anna—also, hi, I'm Alice, I think we met once," Alice said, Anna acknowledging her with a sly wave, "that's incredible. You're obviously quite talented."

"Thanks! Wow, thanks, both of you, That means a lot." Anna clasped her hands together, pulling them into her body in a gesture of excitement.

"No problem, I've seen some of your other stuff, but—" Elsa stopped talking the instant she noticed bulky arms coming out from behind Anna, wrapping around her waist, the younger sister flailing her arms out in startling astonishment.

"O-oh, God, who is it?" Anna yelped, escaping the sudden embrace.

"Hey, Nancy," Kristoff greeted to the artist, walking out from behind her. _Of course. Of course he's here. Of fuckin' course. _His suit wasn't tailored well, his sleeves too long and the fabric tight around his massive torso.

"Nancy?" Elsa asked, watching the man with arms crossed against her chest.

"It's sort of an inside joke," Anna laughed, turning towards Kristoff. "Hi, Carmine." _Inside joke? We don't even have many of those. How often have they been hanging out?_

"I told you I'd make it," Kristoff said, holding his arms out.

Anna responded with a hug, resting her head on the taller man's shoulders, his hands settling directly below her waist. The two lingered in the hug, Kristoff briefly nuzzling his face into Anna's hair and kissing the top of her head with his dried, near-colorless lips.

_No._

_ No._

_ He's gay. She said he was gay._

_ No._

Elsa's breaths stopped, along with, as far as she could tell, her heart. When the two finally let go, Anna looked at Kristoff with the same enamored adoration she looked at him with the first time they met—and this time, Kristoff returned the amorous gaze.

_This isn't. Fucking. Happening. _

She held her crossed arms tight against her hands, feeling the coldness bite her fingertips.

"And, hey, Elsa. It's been a while since I've seen you, are you avoiding me or something?" Kristoff taunted in a joking tone, turning away from Anna.

Elsa couldn't respond—instead, she stared up at him with pure hatred.

"Well, either way, you look, wow, you look—you look _awesome,_" Kristoff looked up and down the blond, smiling at her, oblivious to the blossoming grudge she was starting to carry for him.

"Anna, it was great seeing your work, but—but I have to go," Elsa exhaled.

"What? You've been here for less than twenty minutes," Anna said with indignity, turning her attention from Kristoff.

_Are you really just going to run from her again?_

"I have to go. I have homework to do." _What a lame fucking excuse. _

Alice looked ready to say something, but was clearly too smart to interrupt or question Elsa, instead leaning up against the wall and watching the commotion with embarrassment.

"Elsa, _no,_" Anna grabbed Elsa's forearm before she was able to turn her around, the strawberry blonde nearly stumbling over her own clumsy footing.

Alerted by the warmth of Anna's grasp, Elsa pulled her arm away from Anna. "What are you two doing? Is he, are you—"

"He's _not. _I swear he isn't, Elsa. We're just friends. Why do you always—always get so angry when he's here, or when I just mention him? I thought you were over him," she whispered, occasionally glancing over at him. "_Just friends." I've been "just friends" before._

"I am."

"Then why do you hate him? He likes you! He wonders why you never want to hang out with him anymore," Anna said in a near-scold, her voice still quiet, yet shaking with frustration.

"I don't hate him." _That's a lie._ Elsa stared into Anna's begging eyes, her uncontrollable infatuation and longing for her affections seizing control of her speech. "I love you," she choked.

_You did not just say that. You did not just fucking say that._ Elsa froze once she realized what she just said, her blood running colder than normal.

"So because you're a protective older sister, you want me to stay away from boys?"

_She doesn't get it, and she never will. _Although relieved Anna didn't pick up on the context of what she said, Elsa couldn't ignore the painful jealousy that recessed inside her. A part of her wanted to stay, to watch them interact in a desperate bid to convince herself there was nothing going on, but she couldn't risk her powers ruining what should be the biggest night of Anna's college career, having underestimated them before. "I have to go." Her voice was as broken as she was.

Anna shook her head, her expression saturated with disappointment. "I can't believe you."

Rather than replying, Elsa twirled around, motioning for Alice to follow her as tears stung behind her eyes. She couldn't even look at Anna or Kristoff, no doubt staring at her with judgmental bewilderment, navigating herself out of the crowd into the blackness of the outside, fumbling onto the sidewalk in her heels. Even the cold of the nighttime air couldn't compare to the growing freeze that was consuming her fingers.

"What just happened?" she heard Alice cry out as she exited the building in a hurry.

Elsa held her hands under her armpits, pulling her arms down as hard as she could, yet the cold was starting to overwhelm her. It was growing increasingly difficult for her to subdue the turmoil that was arresting her body and mind, her own body heat barely sufficient enough.

"Give me a minute, please," Elsa gasped, curving her fingers so tightly into her hands she swore she broke skin. "I need—I need to calm myself down." _If I even can._

"Can I help? At all?" Alice asked, putting a hand on the panicking girl's shoulders

Elsa started to notice the small crowd of onlookers that were watching the two from across the street. "What the hell are you looking at?" she snarled.

"Who was that man?" Alice persisted.

_Gay, or so I thought. _Elsa stared up at Alice, hands still sealed under her arms. "Fucking control yourself," she growled to herself, still unable to answer Alice.

"Can you just—can you please give me an idea of what's going on so I can help you out here?"

Feeling as though she had composed herself enough, Elsa slowly glided her hands out from under her arms, freeing them. She saw the genuine concern in Alice's eyes, on a face she wished she was attracted to as she was to Anna's, on a girl she knew she could never love like she loved Anna. _She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve me. _

_You don't want her like this. You're just using her to distract yourself from Anna._

But that didn't stop her from kissing her right then and there, anyway.

* * *

**A/N**: haha boy I am taking a lot of chances with this chapter and am thus very nervous to post it but

yeaaahh

elsa you loser stop taking advantage of this poor girl :'(


	10. Little Secrets

**A/N**: Thanks so much for the overwhelming support you guys sent, be it in PM or review form. Good to know you guys are still with me here despite what a vocal part of the fandom thinks. :') It really does mean a lot.

* * *

_ Just friends._

Gripping the plush blanket that draped over her naked legs, those words rang through Elsa's head with decaying meaning.

_Just. Friends._

She felt pressure—warmth—on her leg. Alice's hand curved on her blanketed thighs, her dress wrinkled and unzipped from the theatrics of passion that played out moments prior. "Are you all right?"

"I, uh—I'm fine," Elsa said, holding the blanket closer to her.

But now that the fire, fueled by the unhealthy jealousy she held over Kristoff, had burnt out, Elsa couldn't even make eye contact with Alice, who rubbed her leg with genuine affection and concern, something Elsa was not used to.

_ You took advantage of her. How could you ever do that to someone?_

"Correct me if I'm wrong, please," Alice started, withdrawing her hand. "But—I feel—I mean, something tells me—"

"I'm so sorry." Elsa stared over at her underwear, which piled on Alice's rug below her barely adequately sized coffee table.

"Why?"

"I don't want you think, I don't want you to think that this means I want to..." Elsa started to regret talking halfway through her sentence, conscious of the weight of her words. "I just want to be friends."

Alice pursed her lips inside her mouth, nodding her head subtly after a pause. "I figured."

"I'm sorry, I got, I got carried away and—"

"Elsa, it's fine." Alice somehow managed to remain calm, despite Elsa's biting words. "I shouldn't have let it happened, I suppose. I didn't mean to—to make you regret it."

"But I don't regret it," Elsa said immediately, tensing her body up. "I just don't want you to get the wrong idea."

"Well, then, if I may ask, why did you let it happen? Why did you kiss me?" Alice appeared sincerely curious, rather than hurt over Elsa's thoughtless actions.

Elsa grew progressively more aware of the fabric of Alice's couch pressing up against her naked lower body, shifting around the softness of the cushion. "It's a long story." Her voice was as flat as she could make it, in an attempt to hint at Alice at how little she cared to discuss it.

"Elsa, I want to get close to you. I mean, closer emotionally, not, uh, not just physically. There's clearly something bigger going on here. I hate to make assumptions but—"

"There is." Elsa's heart was racing now, like a rat thrashing inside of a cage. _Why can't you just keep your Goddamn mouth shut?_

"Then tell me. Tell me why—why you freaked out earlier, why you always seem so, God, how do I put this lightly," Alice stammered, flailing her hands around for emphasis. "So—so aloof, yet pained."

"_Aloof?_"

"I don't know another word for it, but it's so hard to get through to you sometimes. You're in pain, yes. We established that when I met you, but I would have hoped you'd tell me why by now. Please, Elsa. I'm your friend. I'm your friend who wants to help you." Alice's voice fell into the soothing range that it was so well poised in. "You have nothing to be afraid of with me. I won't judge you, or whatever you're scared of happening, it won't happen. Not with me."

Elsa tried to calm her heartbeat, but to no avail. She crossed her legs tight, holding the blanket as close as she could to her chest. "You're going to think I'm insane."

"No, I won't. And if I do, well, then that makes me the girl who just went down on an insane girl." Alice smiled, clearly attempting to bring some humor into the situation to ease Elsa's worry.

_You came this far, so just fuckin' say it. Saying it to someone might make you even feel a little better. _"I—I can't believe I'm actually, maybe, sort of, considering telling you..."

"So say it. Please. I promise you, I won't—"

"I, I don't know how to even begin to let you understand—"

"Please, _please, _just tell me what's going on with you."

"I...I don't..."

"Elsa, all I can do is beg you."

"I'm in love with Anna." The confession crashed out of her mouth as though it had been prodding at her lips for release for quite some time now.

_Holy shit._

_ You said it. You told someone. _

Stricken with remorse over her sudden disclosure, Elsa stared out into Alice's wall—nothingness—terrified at whatever Alice would do in response. Her entire reputation she had built up with Alice had been broken down just like that with just a few syllables.

"Elsa..."

_Two years. You held it in for two years._

Elsa continued to stare at the wall, wishing she could disintegrate into the air, to something less tangible, something less perceivable, as there was no chance she could be seen as anything less than pathetic at that very moment.

"Elsa, look at me."

Elsa haltingly turned her head towards the woman, an unhinged breath escaping her throat. She studied Alice's face closely—calculating, yet calm, with a small wrinkle of awe hidden in her gaze.

"You're in love with...your sister?" she repeated, her tone inquisitive.

Elsa inhaled, preparing herself to say anything to make herself seem less ridiculous, but nothing sufficient enough came to her head. "I need help," she choked.

"No, no, no, you don't, Elsa, oh God." Alice was the one who looked as though she were about to cry, grabbing Elsa's hand in her own. "Elsa, you don't need help." _Yes. I do._

"What kind of—what kind of fucking idiot falls in love with their own sister?" Elsa's voice broke down completely, along with her own composure. She huddled herself into the blanket, in a futile effort to hide her emotions.

Alice embraced Elsa as she shook, resting her body on the grief-stricken girl. She made no mention of the coldness of her body, or the shaking of her arms. "You're not an idiot. You can't help this kind of stuff. Just breathe—let it out, and cry if you need to." _Don't even say that, because I will. I fucking will._

And for the next long while, sheathed in Alice's arms and comfort, she did.

* * *

_All right, motor neuron diseases. This is fun, right? _Yet as hard as Elsa strove to make sense of the words that filled the pages of her textbook in a taunting reminder of her upcoming exam, the words made no registry in her brain beyond a few sentences. Everything that happened in the night before was haunting her mind and guarding against any other information entering, occupying her to the point of hopelessness.

_It's okay, she forgives you. She understands you. She's not going to tell everyone your secret, she even let you cry in her arms for almost the entire Goddamn night. Just stop obsessing over it, and fucking study._

Long, multisyllabic words teased her, words she recognized but whose definition escaped her, and still she made no effort to look them up as her eyes scanned the page almost robotically, her mind separated from her body. The test she had coming up was not one she could afford to slack on, her performance in school already declining since last year, where she pulled a near-perfect GPA in her major.

_ Focus. Focus. Focus, for Christ's sake._

Her focus—or lack thereof—was interrupted moments later by a startling knock on her door, its rhythm and haste akin to Nani's.

"Yeah?" Elsa gasped, her hand falling out from beneath her chin and knocking onto the edge of her desk, a sharp pain transmitting through the hand. "Ow, ow, shit. What? Who is it?"

"It's me, your royal servant, here to take you away, my queen," Nani teased on the other side of the door.

"Just open the freaking door," Elsa shouted between clenched teeth, assessing the fresh scratch on her hand.

"Well, could do without the attitude," Nani said as she opened the door to Elsa's room. "Oh, studying hard I see. Fun stuff."

"What is it?"

"You have a visitor." Nani stepped to the side, revealing behind her Anna, standing in the hallway. Her awkward yet charming smile, combined with gorgeous flowing strands of hair that even looked good in the cheap apartment illumination steered all of Elsa's worries away entirely, instead replacing them with the inappropriate adoration she held for her sister, hitting her hard in the gut.

_Fuck._

"Anna?"

"Thanks for letting me in," Anna said to Nani, holding her arms out.

"Oh, yeah, no problem." Nani and Anna hugged briefly, a sight which was somehow surreal to Elsa, not used to Nani accepting any sort of affection from people she barely knew. _Lucky bastard._

"I like this girl," Nani grinned, before heading off towards her room and leaving the sisters alone.

"How—how did you even get here? You don't have a car," Elsa stammered, fearing Anna had dropped by to tell her sister off for her childish behavior.

"Yeah, so turns out the DU shuttle stops right down the street. Did you know that? Like, two blocks down. Near—"

"I know." _Don't cut her off._

"Oh. So, uh, then why didn't you tell me? It'd be a lot easier than you always having to pick me up," Anna shrugged.

"I didn't want you to have to wait for the bus." _And I don't think my heart can handle you dropping in unexpectedly all the time, like I know you will now._

"I don't mind it. Okay, anyways, I know you hate it when I talk too much and lose concentration, so I guess I'll just tell you what I came here to tell you." Anna entered Elsa's room, closing the door behind her. She studied Elsa's room for a moment, as though she were judging the insipid chambers she called home.

"You couldn't have called me?" Elsa asked, her anxiety creeping back to her. _She hates me. She's going to bitch me out._

"No, I wanted to tell you in person. Okay, so anyways, I just wanted to tell you that you were right about Kristoff, and I'm—I'm an idiot, and..." Elsa witnessed Anna's composure drop entirely, obviously letting out something she was holding in. "He's an idiot. I'm an idiot, I—"

"Anna, what happened?"

"After you left, well, I mean, I was really sad because I don't know, or didn't know why you wanted me to not hang out with him. And he was being really sweet with me, really sweet. Anyway, after the party, er, art show, we went back to my dorm, because his roommate was home or something, and—"

Elsa's stomach knotted up, her mouth went dry, and her heart thumped hard against her ribs. _No. No. _

"We, we started making out—"

Elsa could swear she felt her heart drop into her stomach, distracting her from the pain that pulsed in her hand. _So he's definitely not gay._

"And he tried to feel me up. God, I know it's probably gross to hear about someone trying to feel your little sister up, but—he did." Anna started to play with Elsa's doorknob nervously, the clanging of metal echoing through Elsa's nearly empty room. "And I stopped him, because I didn't want to do any of that. I didn't even want to kiss him. He seemed okay with me stopping him, but he just left afterward, like he stopped caring about me and how sad I was. He's—he's an asshole. There, I said it."

"Yeah." Elsa couldn't ignore the pain that was occupying her. Of course, the ice had come back to her hands, which she held tight together below her desk, but she didn't even pay any mind to it at this point. As long as her hands stayed clenched together, her powers couldn't harm anyone but herself, she learned through her trials as a child.

"So I figured that you probably knew that, and that's why you warned me. And I'm sorry I doubted you. I should know better than to not listen to you by now," Anna sighed, leaning up against Anna's door.

_You're untouchable to me, so it's so fucking hard for me to grasp that you're not untouchable to everyone else. _"I did. But thanks." Elsa couldn't make herself sound sympathetic, instead consumed by even stronger jealousy. Although she was more accustomed to the cold than her peers, the frost on her fingertips began stinging her hands to the point of pain, Elsa attempting her best to curb a forming wince. _It's just getting worse. You need to learn to control this ice shit better soon, or you'll have hell to pay._

"Thanks for looking out for me, again. I'm staying clear of men from now on."

"R—really?" Elsa asked with a perked head, somehow feeling some relief from Anna's statement.

"Oh, yeah. Everyone. Fuck everyone. I'm staying solo. All I need are my friends, and you," she insisted, shaking her head.

"That's good to hear, I guess." _Well, no one is better than someone._

"Why are you holding your hands like that? Are you okay?" Anna's glistening eyes locked onto Elsa's hands, craning her neck downwards to get a better view.

"Yeah, I uh—I hit it on my desk. I'm fine."

"Oh, are you bleeding?"

"No. I don't know. Don't worry about it," she assured, although she felt the coldness dwindle away from her fingertips.

"Yeah, sure. So...uh, are you and Alice—are you two—"

"No, we're friends. Uh, I know what you were going to say. We're just friends." Elsa held her head between her shoulders, allowing her braid to tumble in front of her mouth, pillars of hair tickling against her dry lips.

"Aw, okay. You know, I was sort of hoping you two were dating or something," Anna said, an adorable smile pinned on her face, her sparkling lips putting Elsa's to shame. Elsa couldn't even stand the sight of her smile, knowing _he _had his mouth there, _he _got to taste her, _he _got to do what she so sorely longed to do since she was nineteen. "You'd make a cute couple," Anna continued, severing Elsa's concentration.

_It's complicated. It's really, really fucking complicated. _"I don't see her like that."_  
_

"That sucks. Well, if it does happen, I'm all for it. You know I love you, and would support you no matter what you do, right?" Anna placed a warm hand on Elsa's shoulder, escorting in a heat that was simultaneously pleasant and unwanted.

"Yeah, I do. T—thanks." _  
_

"No problem, sis." _Sis? When was the last time you called me that?_

"So, are you going home? Or, were you on your way to something?"

"Nope, just wanted to see you," she smirked. "And let you know you were right, and I was wrong, as always."

"All right."

"So I'm going to go home, er, back to my dorm..."

"Do you maybe want to stay over a bit longer?" Elsa asked, picking up on Anna's not-so-subtle hint.

"If you want, I wouldn't mind." A genuine look of joy washed over Anna's already beaming face, her hands clasping together with fervor. "You're not too busy, right?"

Elsa glanced over at the textbook that lay stagnant on her desk, the date of her upcoming exam still teetering over her head, threatening to come crashing down soon. After a moment, she looked back up at Anna, and the glee she had tied behind her eyes, begging her for a promising answer.

"No."

* * *

**A/N**: Hoping this isn't too weird of a chapter, but I really enjoyed writing this one for some reason?


	11. Foul and Fair

"You know—if you don't think you can handle being home again, you're more than welcome to stay here with me over the break," Alice offered, gifting Elsa a pair of sympathetic eyes as she grasped her tumbler filled with iced tea, taking a sip.

Elsa stared at her half-packed suitcase, already dreading the multi-hour drive across the state she had to take early the next morning. "I wish. But then my aunt and uncle act like I'm some sort of ungrateful asshole if I don't go home for the holidays, even though they practically act like I'm the biggest pain in the ass ever when I'm home." Elsa bit her lip to calm the anger that began to emerge inside her.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Alice placed her hand on Elsa's shoulder, Elsa instinctively shuddering under her touch, not yet trained to Alice's disposition towards physical affection.

"Plus," Elsa said in a sigh, slouching her body down against her desolate bedroom wall, "I couldn't do that to Anna. She'd be, uh, I don't know—" ..._pissed, upset, livid... _"—disappointed if I didn't go home with her. And I'm her ride, so..."

"No, I get it." Elsa studied Alice's face hard for any trace of sarcasm, but didn't detect any. "Honestly, I don't know how you do it. You're a stronger person than I am to go through all of this."

_Strong? I'm as weak as I could possibly be." _"It sucks," Elsa said, unable to articulate her suffering into anything more substantial. "It really fucking sucks."

"But you have friends here who are here for you no matter what," Alice assured, picking up on the pain in Elsa's voice.

_Actually, at this point, it's basically just you. _Elsa nodded as a response, too embarrassed to let Alice know she was all she had anymore.

"And I'll do anything it takes to make you feel better. Anything you need—you can ask me."

Now _there _was something hidden in those words, instead spoken by the tenacious curl of Anna's lips and the pressure her fingers put on Elsa's shoulder.

"Anything?" Elsa repeated. _You're not—you're not seriously considering going down that path with her again, are you?_

"Anything."

_You're not drunk anymore. You don't want her. You only want a quick fix. _"No, it's fine." Yet Elsa almost found herself leaning into the girl's touch.

"Well, if there's anything you can think of—oh, perhaps something to get your mind off of it—feel free to ask." Alice's smile kept on her face, her eyes focused on the uncertainty on Elsa's.

"But we're just friends," Elsa stated bluntly, not even bothering to tip-toe around the subject. Her heart still raced at the idea, her mind adhered to the night they shared earlier when the boundaries of their friendship was way overstepped.

"What? And when did I say anything otherwise?"

"I thought—oh God, I'm so sorry. I thought you were suggesting that—that we—"

"It's okay. I mean, we already did—well, that once, so I can see why you'd think I'd suggest it again," Alice said, quickly changing her tone.

"Yeah." Elsa moped into her own shoulders, flushed with transparent embarrassment that tinted her face a high color. _Nice going._

A long pause seized the air, Elsa still too remorseful to look Alice in the eye. "It's not something that we should just toss out the window, though," Alice finally said, her fingers now steeped together.

"What?" Elsa's head perked up, staring at Alice like a confused animal.

"Friends can do it. It doesn't have to have any meaning attached to it. We're old enough to know not to take it seriously. I mean—if it were to happen again, I wouldn't mind it."

_Oh my God. Is she being serious? _"You said you weren't into those sort of activities, you know, when we first met," Elsa reminded in a nervous haste.

"One night stands, yes. Helping a friend out, no."

"But I don't want you to—"

"Get the wrong idea, I know, and I won't," Alice confirmed sharply. "I know where you stand. I know your heart is with her right now, and, and I'm not attempting to change that."

Elsa took a moment to seriously consider Alice's offer, acknowledging the sexual frustration that had been badgering her recently. "And what if all I needed was just—someone to talk to?"

"Again, I'm here for you."

In a moment of weakness, her stomach knotted and her fingers curled into the top of her bed sheets, Elsa nodded. "If you—if you really think it'll help me..."

"Only if you want to, Elsa. It's entirely up to you." Alice's flirtatious character shone in the way her eyebrows arched up with her words, as though she already had a preferable answer in mind.

"I just don't want it to lead to something it shouldn't."

"Elsa," Alice laughed, curving her soft hand over Elsa's thigh—her fingers pressing _ever so slightly _into the flustered girl, "you're not my first. It's only sex."

With her friend's fingers on her thighs pumping a strange arousal into her, Elsa found it increasingly harder to withhold from accepting. _She's smart. She knows what she's doing. _And although Elsa knew she couldn't do it without the image of Anna firmly planted in her head throughout the entire ordeal, it didn't cease the primal yearning for release she was repressing to take over her vocalizations.

"I—I guess—yes, I'll—yes," she exhaled.

"Yes what?"

Elsa breathed for the first time in moments, squeezing her legs together with Alice's hand still draped over her leg. "Maybe it is what I need."

Without speaking, Alice slid her hand up Elsa's thigh, her thumb rubbing in careful circles over the bony protrusion of her hips. Her sorely red lips parted over Elsa's neck, leaving stencils on the pale skin that stretched over it while she kissed her. _Oh God._

"But we're just friends, right?" Elsa reminded in an airy gasp, her neck craning up at the unity of their bodies. _And there's that phrase again. _

"Of course," Alice purred, her fingers now trailing under Elsa's blue plaid shirt, onto the sensitive flesh of Elsa's stomach, teasing her in _all the right _places. "Just friends."

* * *

Elsa didn't miss home anymore.

The judgment brooding behind her aunt and uncle's eyes reminded her why. Anna was the perfect niece to them—outgoing, liberated, with a spring in her step that rivaled an excited reindeer's. She didn't lock herself in her room all day, she shared the events of her day with the rest of the table during dinner time, and always remembered to feed the cat and fill up the family car with gas after she used it. She was messy, she was only a slightly-above average student in the academic fields, and she often got lost in the clutter of her own mind, yet alone in her room, yet she was loved.

Elsa existed in the physical sense of the word, but often Gerda and Kai would question if she really existed, or if she were a figment of their imagination, as the sight of her out her room was a rare, mythical sighting. An off-handed remark from Kai about how "the beast has emerged from its cave to feed" would be met with an eye-roll from Elsa, and a badly-suppressed chuckle from Gerda. Elsa learned to pay no worry to their teases, knowing any time she spent at home was brief, albeit painful.

They weren't her parents, and they could never replace them, or the unconditional love they gave her.

So when Thanksgiving dinner rolled around, the four family members seated around a hardly sufficient table, the tension was, quite expectantly, distinctively thick.

"So have you sold the piece yet?" Kai asked Anna, struggling to cut a slice of turkey.

"No. But—but I put it up on the market. Uh, five hundred dollars. Or four fifty. Something close to that."

Elsa had no appetite, instead sipping on her milk with unconcealed apathy.

"Well, we're _very _proud of you, honey," Gerda said with earnest, gazing at Anna with pride. "It's so nice to have someone in the family who has such talent like you do."

_Yeah, that's fine, I'll just sit here awkwardly and pretend I don't fuckin' exist._

"Oh, thanks." Anna could barely speak, her mouth filled with a hodgepodge of various cliched Thanksgiving foods.

"And Elsa?" Kai addressed, his voice now sterner. "How did midterms go?"

"Uh." Elsa started rubbing her temples preemptively, preparing for the inevitable headache that was about to surface. _Don't tell them you almost failed your neuron disease test because you can't even concentrate anymore. _"Okay."

"What grades did you get, Elsa?" Gerda asked, almost glaring at the poor girl.

Elsa looked over at Anna, who was clearly uncomfortable, shifting around in her seat and avoiding all eye contact with any family member. Even the genuinely pleasant smell of actual food couldn't comfort either sister.

"I don't know. They haven't been released yet." Elsa shoved a forkful of peas into her mouth, hoping the act of her eating would pause, or even kill, the conversation.

"Do you have any idea how you did?" Gerda said condescendingly.

"I almost failed an exam, is that what you wanted to hear?" Elsa confessed in a loud growl.

"Jesus, Elsa, what happened?" Kai dropped his fork down on the plate, the loud jangle of metal against ceramic starling the younger sister.

"I don't know, my life sucks right now, all right?"

"Sucks? We're paying you through college, paying for your home, your food, everything, and you can't even keep your own grades up?" _Because she's there. Because she's there and I can't even being to care about anything else anymore._

"Look, my GPA is pretty much fucking perfect. Or was. Why does it matter if I fail one stupid exam? I still have like, a C in the class."

"You have a _C_?"

"Like, a C plus. I'm passing."

"Christ. Jesus Christ." Kai held a fist in front of his mouth, cooling himself down before Gerda spoke up.

"This is unacceptable. For God's sake, Elsa. If you—if you can't get that up to a B—no, an _A, _we're pulling you out of there. Or you can pay your own Goddamn way through college." _It's an empty threat. Call their bluff._

Still, with hot embarrassment, Elsa briefly looked back at Anna, who was sulked so heavily into her shoulders, she looked as though she were about to withdraw into her own green blouse. "Well—I mean, it's not _my_ fault. My—my powers are coming back, and I've been dealing with—"

"So why haven't you been wearing your gloves?" Kai asked calmly, though his stare was piercing.

_Shit, I almost forgot about those fucking things. _"I don't want to wear those stupid things. They make me look retarded."

"Watch your mouth," Gerda warned. "You can't control it. We've learned that the hard way. Now your parents—they may have tolerated it, but we—"

"Don't mention them. Don't ever fucking mention them in front of me," Elsa snarled, slamming her fist down onto the table so hard, the contents on it shook.

_Great. Now Anna looks like she's about to cry. Control yourself, asshole._

"Look, look at what you did the table." Kai pointed at the area below Elsa's trembling fist, where a small rink of ice expanded below it, creeping towards the center of the table and glistening off the low light of the dining room.

Elsa didn't even notice the caustic nip of ice that been chewing at her fingertips for quite some time now, her mind too occupied on how much she despised family dinners and the unavoidable arguments that always occurred. She brought her hand back to her body swiftly, gaping with regret at the pool of ice. "I'm—I—"

"Clearly you can't control it," Gerda noted, shaking her head with disappointment. "You _need_ to wear those gloves. For the safety of _everyone_."

"Fine," she snapped, her head growing warm with rage. "Then where are they?"

"What do you mean _where? _You didn't bring them with you to college? God, Elsa, you—"

"I'll go find them myself, then," Elsa lied, pushing herself forcefully away from the table, her cup of milk spilling onto the worn-out tablecloth. "Thanks for dinner," she mumbled sarcastically.

Fighting back tears, she stormed back to her room, leaving the _happy little _family alone to clean up the mess she made. As she reached her door, hands shaking so heavily she was almost unable to correctly grasp her doorknob, she heard her uncle ask "so, you're not braiding your hair anymore?" to Anna.

_They don't even fucking care. They literally do not care._

Closing the door behind her, too drained to even slam it properly, Elsa curled up on her bed, not even paying mind to the darkness that filled her room. She remembered the nights long ago when her parents would come into her room to comfort her when she was scared or sad, assuring her she was okay, that her powers would grow manageable, that her life would be okay as long as she had someone there to love her like they did.

But instead, tonight, on a holiday no less, Elsa lay alone on her bed, crying to herself in the company of no one but the crows outside and the stuffed animals that lay lifeless on the shelf above her. Her howls of pain were muffled by her door, uninterrupted for an indiscernible amount of time before she almost dozed off into sleep.

Her impending slumber, however, was interrupted by gentle knocks on her door.

_Oh Jesus. Of course it's her._

"What?" she sighed.

"It's me," Anna spoke, with a quiver in her voice.

_No. I'm already in enough pain. I can't deal with you right now. _"What do you want?"

Uninvited, Anna opened the door, lighting up the dread of Elsa's room. She took a seat next to Elsa, her body so close the older sister's that Elsa felt the warmth of her body. "That was really terrible of them. I'm—I'm just so sorry that you have to put up with that."

"What's new? They've always treated me like this," Elsa exhaled, sitting herself up on her bed, where the drapery of her sheets were gutted in her sobbing fit.

"It's not your fault. The powers—it's not your fault."

_Does she know? _Elsa's heart thumped hard in her chest. "What do you mean?"

Anna grabbed Elsa's hands in her own. Her fingers were softer than Alice's, warmer than hers, and comforted her beyond comprehension, Elsa's desire to cry any further already curbing. "You can control it. I know you can. Because you're, you're a strong person." _Why does everyone keep saying that? _"You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. And I know, I know for a fact that you'll prove them wrong."

"But I can't control it. You've seen it." Elsa's voice fell quiet with defeat. "I don't know if I can do this anymore."

"Don't say that, Elsa, please," Anna begged, gripping her sister's hands tighter. "You can. You have me. You'll always have me, who believes in you, and—and loves you, and is going to cheer you on when you feel as though you can't do it anymore."

Elsa didn't even speak. She looked at Anna, at the girl who had caused her an unimaginable amount of pain without realizing it, looking back at her with sincere adoration and trust, stroking the trembling girl's hands with the soothing heat of her own fingertips. Every reason that Elsa had fallen in love with Anna in the first place was displayed in the heated moment that they were sharing, overwhelming Elsa to the point of her tears returning in her saddened eyes. Even the idolizing stare Anna gazed at Elsa with soothed her more than any amount of physical contact or venting with Alice could.

"I love you. I love you so, so, so fucking much," Elsa choked, holding Anna's lithe hands tight. _I wish you understood. I wish you fucking understood._

"I love you, too," Anna smiled, wrapping one arm around Elsa in a hug, her other hand still constricted around Elsa's.

Anna didn't pick up on the heavy meaning behind Elsa's words—but for now, it didn't matter.

* * *

**A/N:** Not really much to say with this chapter (except Elsalice/Alsa shippers unite! sort of), other than what we've all been waiting for is starting to approach us, thus I hope to update more frequently...if my work schedule and life allows it. Hopefully. Ahhh.

also I realize I may have made Gerda and Kai kind of harsh but it's slightly based off my own experiences

anyone else have a family like that? no? just me? haha fine ;_;


	12. Stricken

**A/N**: I guess panic attack (sort of) warning? I don't know if that's a trigger for anyone, but I want to stay on the safe side.

* * *

"No girl is worth this."

Alice's advice fell on deaf ears as Elsa cradled the phone close to her face, trying to calm herself down. She had been on the line with Alice for the past few minutes after a frenzy of panic gripped her during the afternoon, her head cluttered with hopelessness and increasingly painful thoughts about her sister, brought on simply by a dangerous, wandering mind.

"I—I can barely—I hate it here," Elsa gasped, tucking her head into her bare knees. Her voice was raspy, her mouth so dry she couldn't even wet her tongue.

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you."

"I fucking hate it here," Elsa said, almost shouting. "I'd rather be back at Delle than, than here, where I'm treated like a burden, where she's here all the time. I leave my room—she's there. I go to get some food, she's there. Like, Jesus, the past two nights she's wandered into my room without even asking." Elsa glanced over at her nightstand where Anna absentmindedly left one of her hair ties during a late-night visit.

"You're fine, Elsa. You're fine. You can do this." Alice's voice stayed reassuring, in contrast of the hysterics in Elsa's. "You did this all summer, you can do it again. I know you can." _But it's just getting harder._

"No. I can't keep it in. I can't, I can't, I—" _Don't say it out loud. You haven't even though this shit through. _"I have to tell her." _Goddamn._ Elsa's voice was as unstable as her mind was, shaking with each syllable. She curled her toes onto the carpet of her bedroom, her heart close to stopping at the mere mention of confessing her feelings to Anna. Her bed sheet turned cold under her grasp, but she had gone past the point of caring, as she was alone in the house. Anna, Gerda and Kai had left home hours ago to run errands, with Elsa, as expected, choosing to stay home instead—a decision she started to regret.

"Elsa," Alice sharply said, "you're not thinking rationally right now. It's okay. You're coming back here Sunday, where you'll only have to see her once or twice a week, at most. And I'll be here. I'll be here for you, to vent to, to—to hold you, to hug you, to ki..." Alice's words were interrupted by a sharp breath, as though she were catching herself from saying something potentially risky. "...to be there for you." Alice's tone went quieter.

Elsa took a short pause before speaking. "What were you going to say?"

"Nothing, uh, nothing." Elsa had never heard so much of a tremble in Alice's voice. "Don't worry about it, but, you'll be fine. You'll be back here. Just give it until Sunday. You'll get through this."

"But what about winter break? When I'm here for over a fucking month?" Elsa asked, a wealth of desperation in her tone. "What the hell do I do during that?"

"Just call me when it gets hard again. I'll be here. I'll even come to your place if it comes to that."

_I don't deserve her. _"Okay."

"I'm going to go now. I mean, I have to, I'm not leaving you. But if you start panicking again, just call me and I'll try to answer, okay? Try to find something to occupy yourself in the meantime. Please."

Alice's ability to stay composed through even the most trying times was not something Elsa took for granted. If anything, Elsa felt as though she started taking advantage of her calmness, often calling for her in the moments that felt the most suffocating. "Yeah."

"All right. And promise me you won't tell her. _Please. _You, you can't do that to her."

"But—" _But what? But you think she'll feel the same way if you tell her? That you'll finally get to kiss her, to hold her? That she'll return all the anxieties and desperation you've been feeling about her? That she'll be okay that her own older sister is fucking in love with her? _"...Okay."

"I really have to go, just don't say anything to her. We'll—we'll work this out later, all right? Don't try to focus on it right now."

Captured by sharp breaths, Elsa collected herself before speaking again. "Okay."

"All right. I'll talk to you later, then. I—I love you."

"I, I'll uh, I'll see you later. Thank you." Elsa ended the call, composing herself for a few moments as she listened to the buzzing of the heater penetrate the otherwise quiet environment. Her heart race gradually slowed down, as did her breaths, the apprehension in her stomach slowly untying itself. The migrating paths of ice on her sheets started to slow down to a near halt as her powers mellowed.

_Calm down._

_ Calm. Down._

The knowledge of Alice being available for her whenever she needed her had pacified her panic into something at least vaguely manageable, Elsa now able to take breaths that weren't labored.

Elsa stood up from her spot on the floor, wandering around her room without any set destination mind, instead staring at the accumulated possessions of a girl raised in a broken home. Nothing tangible that called her room a home could soothe the dread inside of her, but it didn't stop her from lingering on a few objects—the ceramic sculpture of Madam Purrs that Anna made in her junior year, some written notes her parents left her a few weeks before the accident, a stuffed giraffe she's had since she was seven. The smallest reminder of what life was like years prior, before all the heartache and stress, was enough to bring Elsa close on the edge again.

_Don't focus on this shit. Stop getting yourself sad. You'll give yourself another panic attack._

Trying to snap out of her sentimental mindset, Elsa left her room, in hopes something outside of it would distract her. Her gaze, however, was caught on the open door of Anna's room down the hall, the bright lights of Anna's lamps, which she no doubt neglected to turn off, tantalizing her to go towards it. Unable to resist the urge, and simply with apathy over the consequences, she walked over to Anna's room, a sense of shame hidden in her step. She hadn't entered Anna's room in almost half a year, so far being successful in resisting the urge to snoop around, knowing very well she wasn't emotionally strong enough to leave the room unscathed—yet after already breaking down, she almost didn't care anymore.

The room was threaded strongly with the smell of sweets, either from Anna's inclination towards using food-scented body spray, or her love of sneaking food into her room during the night, something she's done since she was a little girl. Already the familiar smell twisted Elsa's stomach with an odd nostalgia for the sister she saw just an hour ago. Overwhelmed, she sat on the unmade bed that rested on the far side of the room, sulking her body up against Anna's wall, which was covered in a subdued shade of pink.

Elsa was certain Anna's room was warmer than the others. There was something cathartic about being inside of it, seeing the photos of Anna and her friends strung along the wall, and the art works she created throughout the years sloppily posted on her bulletin board. Even the articles of clothing that lay carelessly on the floor reminded Elsa that Anna was as human as she was, despite seeming nearly flawless to her at times.

It was getting for her harder to remember that.

_You're getting emotional just being in her room. You've been in here thousands of times. _

Anna's room brought back memories of their childhood, back when they'd play together all day, when Elsa's powers were at least controllable and mostly harmless, when physical contact from Anna didn't seize up Elsa's body. Evidence of their girlhood dotted around Anna's room in random sections: the spot on the wall that Elsa accidentally froze when she was nine years old, the small blood stain on Anna's light-colored carpet from when she hit her head on her dresser during an intense game of tag.

_How could you fall in love with this girl? The girl you grew up with? Who you spent your entire fucking childhood with?_

But Elsa knew why. She knew when she saw the framed photos of her parents on Anna's desk, when she was reminded of the car accident, the nights spent in absolute hysterics in Anna's room as Anna held Elsa in her arms until she passed out from crying. The days where Anna stayed home from school just to take care of Elsa, even if it meant her grades slipping and her teachers getting angry at her absences. The days where Anna had to talk Elsa out of doing something stupid just to end the pain she couldn't stop feeling.

After a few minutes spent gazing around Anna's room aimlessly, Elsa now cuddling a cat plush that was resting on Anna's bed, the sound of the garage door opening fractured her trance.

_Get up. Get up and get the fuck out before she sees you._

Yet, as though something heavy were inside of her, Elsa felt unable to get up from Anna's bed, experiencing a strange comfort in the room despite its messiness.

"Hi, sweetie!" Anna's overly enthusiastic voice rang from the hallway, violating Elsa's ears like a pleasure she didn't want to experience.

_Is she—is she talking to me?_

Elsa straightened out her spine, clinging the cat toy close to her body. Although she had calmed herself down substantially, tiny fibers of its fur were now strung with ice crystals.

"How are you today, baby? Did you eat? No?...Yes? Awww, you're being affectionate today, aren't you?"

_No. She's talking to the damn cat. Of course she is._

Elsa was suddenly aware of the abundance of cat fur that dusted Anna's comforter, the family cat choosing Anna's room as its preferred residence.

"Oh, okay, fine, just leave me. Bye, I love you, anyway."

_Lucky fucking cat._

Anna's footsteps traveled down the hallway, growing louder with each step. _Get out. Get out get out get out—_

"Elsa?"

Elsa turned her head towards the voice, her sister standing doorway, staring at Elsa with a perplexed look on her gentle features. Her stomach sank at the sight of her sister, who was staring at her with complete oblivion over the anguish she's been causing Elsa.

"What are you—why are you in my room?"

Elsa didn't respond. She just stared up at Anna with a mouth hanging open slightly, clutching the stuffed cat as it grew colder in her hands.

"Are you okay? You look like you were just crying or something. What—what's going on?"

"I'm fine," Elsa said, not realizing how hoarse her voice still was.

"Okay. Well, uh, good. I mean, that's good." Anna paused, as though she were waiting for further clarification from Elsa. "So why are you in my room?" she asked after receiving none.

"You're always in _my_ room," Elsa muttered.

"Yeah, but that's because you're always in there and it's the only way I can see you anymore...are you looking for something?" Anna tweaked her head to the side, as though she were deep in thought. "Are you looking for your gloves?"

_Gloves? Yeah, that's believable, right? _"Oh, uh, yeah—those. I was looking for them again but I got tired, so..." _You're a terrible liar._

"They're definitely _not _in here," Anna assured with a grin. "But you're welcome to stay in here, I guess."

Elsa nodded and stared down at Anna's floor. She felt as though something—or someone—had drained the life out of her, unable to feign any sort of observable emotion.

"Hey," Anna said softly. She walked over to her desk chair and sat down in it, spinning around so she was facing her older sister. "Are you sure you're okay?" She leaned towards Elsa, as if she were a startled animal who needed to be approached carefully.

"Yeah, I am." _Again, not really good at the whole lying thing._

Anna leaned back into her chair, crossing her arms over her stomach. "I noticed your room was cold as I walked by it."

Elsa hid her face in the cat toy, growing embarrassed. _Pathetic._

"If you want to talk to me about anything, I mean—"

"It's nothing. I just, I want to go back to—to Delle." Elsa brought her head up, attempting to hold Anna's gaze. She remembered Alice's warning, trying her best to hold off on confessing something hazardous.

"Oh. Yeah, me too, honestly. Uncle Kai and Aunt Gerda are driving me crazy." Anna huffed after speaking, a look of clear annoyance creeping on her face.

"Really?" Elsa asked, an actual trace of interest in her voice.

"Yeah. They've been fighting a lot. It's awkward." _Fighting?_ "Uh, anyways, I did some early Christmas shopping. I bought you a present."

Elsa saw a sparkle of joy in Anna's eyes. "Oh?"

"Yeah. I think you'll like it. Or I hope you do. Kai and Gerda didn't 'get it.' But whatever. I know you, you'll like it."

"I can't wait to find out, then," Elsa added, trying her best to forge a smile. _Really._

"I wish you came with us. I missed you."

Elsa's heart began racing again, but this time with something nearer to happiness, rather than panic. "You—you missed me? But you were only gone for a few hours."

"Yeah, I know. But I hate being out when you're not with us. It's so boring. I understand why you didn't, though. But I think they're only mean to you because they're trying to take their anger out on you, when they're really mad at each other. Or something. I don't believe anything they say about you." _Great, they talk about me now?_

Elsa nodded, straining to find something substantial to add. "Maybe. I just don't want to deal with them."

"Plus, it's cold as fuck outside. You wouldn't be wearing those," Anna said, pointing to Elsa's tattered jean shorts, "if you were outside." _I wouldn't even wear these outside if it were warm out._

"I don't mind the cold."

"Right, I know—but—okay, forget it, but yeah."

A long silence infiltrated the conversation, each girl looking at each other expectantly. "I guess I should go back to my room," Elsa shrugged.

Disappointment annexed Anna's face, her posture dropping. "Uh...oh. Well, if you want, sure."

Elsa placed the stuffed cat back where she found it on Anna's bed, hoping Anna would refrain from touching it long enough to not notice its frosted tips. "I'm sorry for just coming into your room like that." _Don't try to pretend like you didn't want her to catch you in here._

"No, it's fine. You can come in anytime you want. I wish you did, actually. I hate always being the one to have to come in to your room."

Elsa desperately wanted to follow Anna's suggestion, but knew that for the sake of her mental health, it was best to stay out.

As Elsa began to leave Anna's room, she paused and pivoted herself around in the doorway, looking down at Anna with deep thought glazing over her eyes. "Thanks for not taking their side."

"No problem. You're my sister. I'd do anything for you."

Elsa nodded. "You know—you're going to make someone very happy one day," she choked. _Holy fuck, that was cheesy._

Without waiting for a response, she strolled out of Anna's room. Elsa leaned up against the hallway wall, out of sight from Anna, already feeling the colder air hit her skin.

_I just wish it could be me._


End file.
